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[weenwoon]

HYTHLODAEUS

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OFFICE 413, BUREAU OF THE ARCHITECT, AMAUROT
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© EFRYNDIEL

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[weenwoon]

Upset him?..

[Hythlo frowns. What is there that Joss could ever do that would upset someone?]

A little, yes. Sagi is not one to get upset easily, nor is master Joscelaint someone who looks to hurt people... Even unintentionally. He barely ever speaks.

[selfconcept]

I think the same, so it was probably an accident that occurred between them. You don't have to have the intention to hurt to hurt someone.

[ Such is life... he goes to sit on the bed and then flop down on it on his side. ]

They'll be fine. I'm sure.

[weenwoon]

[Hythlo nods, a little awkwardly. His own relationship with Sagi is... complicated, to say the least.]

...I wish we were kinder to Sagi.

[If his hunch is right... Joss might have seen something he should not have, much as Hythlodaeus had done.]

[selfconcept]

You're not?

[ He looks up at where Hythlo is while taking off his mask. He's indoors and no one else will come in aside from Fai, so this is fine. ]

What happened between you two anyway? I'm sure you tried telling him how you felt from that one time we talked about in the forest.

[weenwoon]

[Hythlo looks away, the expression on his face dangerously close to the one he usually has while dissociating.]

...I did. We... talked about it, and seemed to mend our bond. But...

[He brings up a hand to his face, rubbing at his eyes.]

There was another--argument of sorts, mayhaps I should say, that we had later. And I keep thinking that none of this would have happened in the first place if I hadn't regained my sight. It's brought me nearly naught but mistery in all my time here.

[selfconcept]

[ Hien slowly sits up and goes over to Hythlo. He has distance problems himself, and is sometimes keen on other people's body language because he always watches over his own, so what Hythlo is doing right now is sort of alarming, in a sense. He sits next to him. It's not like he can just tell Hythlo that he can just ignore it or pretend he hasn't seen it. "Ignorance is bliss", is what one of his other selves would say because he has a similar problem, and thinks of ignorance as a privilege that he can't obtain. He wonders if Hythlo feels the same. ]

Was it because you were concerned about him?

[weenwoon]

[Hythlo shakes his head slowly, and it's another alarming sign that he doesn't lean onto Hien like he normally would, instead seeming to retreat into himself more.]

...Quite the opposite, to tell you the truth. He... came across me when I was creating the memorial for master Atsushi. We spoke... of death, and cruelty, and other such things. Much like that argument you and I had, but resolved a lot more gently.

[He looks down at the floor.]

Then we decided to speak of our worlds. And... one topic led to another, I suppose.

[selfconcept]

[ Hien looks at Hythlo's face with a concerned expression and reaches out to hold his hand and lightly squeezes it. ]

Do you regret it? Talking about those things with him.

[weenwoon]

[Hythlo squeezes his hand weakly in return.]

I... In a way, yes. It helped me feel better. But I should not have spoken of it with someone as young as him.

[His grip grows tighter.]

I speak all the time of not wanting to inflict pain onto others, yet what do I do instead? I am but a hypocrite.

[selfconcept]

Well... you're right though.

[ But before Hythlo gets into an even more depressive slump, let Hien clarify. ]

It's not like you wanted to, even if it happens anyway. You're not a hypocrite when it comes to that. Besides... it was an emotional moment for you, I'm sure. You were making a memorial for Atsushi, and talking about sensitive topics with Sagi.

[weenwoon]

[Hythlo smiles, sadly, and shakes his head.]

Yet I am much older than him. I should know better. What manner of a mentor am I to keep forcing him to be my emotional support, whether intentionally or not?

[selfconcept]

Are you really forcing him to?

[ He would also like to add that age doesn't do anything, as evidenced by a lot of old people who seemingly never learn their lesson. But... that's neither here nor there right now. ]

[weenwoon]

He is a good person. If I end up crying in front of him, of course he will try to console me. I feel as though I take advantage of his good nature, even if unwillingly.

[selfconcept]

[ Hien slightly tilts his head. ]

So... if I cried in front of you, would that count as me taking advantage of your good nature because I know you would try to comfort me?

[weenwoon]

[Hythlo startles at that and directs Hien a disbelieving look.]

Of course not! 'Tis simply... I feel I must needs be his caretaker. Sagi is yet but a child.

[... And, as it often happens, his mind turns somewhere else.]

... Can you cry?

[selfconcept]

... I don't know.

[ It's not that he says that as a rather cop-out answer on purpose, but Hien genuinely doesn't know if he can cry anymore, and the uncertainty shows on his face. If he can, he would rather not test it since the events that precede his tears would probably be absolutely devastating from how dull his emotions feel most of the time. ]

I'm glad you don't see me as a kid anymore, at least.

[weenwoon]

[Hythlo tilts his head, confused.]

Hien... I stopped seeing you as a child the moment you said you were not one. Did I somehow give the impression that I thought you to be one still this whole time?

[selfconcept]

... It just feels like that sometimes, but I don't know why.

[ Anyway, this... isn't about him. ]

People can be stronger than you think, regardless of age. I think Sagi has that potential.

[weenwoon]

...'Tis true. In so many ways... Sagi is much stronger than myself.

[Hythlo smiles sadly. To be honest, it's often him who feels like a child compared to the others here.

...

He stays silent for a while, then leans away from Hien slightly.]

...You are kind to me, Hien. Funny, is it not? How scared I am of losing that. Truly, 'tis I who is but a child.

[selfconcept]

... Scared of me not being kind to you anymore?

[ Hien doesn't get it, but he understands the rest of it. ]

Why would I do that?

[weenwoon]

[Hythlo takes a deep breath. This is sooner, much sooner than he would have wanted, but then again... how long was he going to conceal the truth? His stomach churns with trepidation, but he forces himself to speak nonetheless.]

If I told you what I told him... I fear that you would come to despise me, correct though you would be.

[selfconcept]

Try me.

[ He'd rather hear it from Hythlo than from someone else, so he's all here for it. Though even if Hien didn't know beforehand, he'd be more than willing to listen anyway.

He also thinks no one else would ever come close to Hien's level of absolute Spite that has two people included in his shitlist, but. You know what... it's fine. Sometimes, things are better that way. ]

[weenwoon]

[Hythlo opens his mouth, then hesitates. A part of him, the strange, newfound part that reacts before it thinks, the one that scares him all the more as time passes, wants to be spiteful about it, lay out his deeds before Hien in disgusting detail and derive some perverse enjoyment from hurting his friend.

The thought makes him sick. He grits his teeth, takes a deep breath. No... if he's going to do this, he's going to do it his way. His people's way.

He stands up briefly to sit down in front of Hien, instead, cross-legged, putting his hands in his lap.]

I shall speak freely, then. If I falter... I ask you to give me time to continue. These are not simple things to talk about, and I... do not wish to give in to pointless emotion.

[selfconcept]

... Yeah.

[ He reaches over to hold Hythlo's hands in his own. Maybe this will help ground him. ]

Take your time.

[weenwoon]

[Hythlo smiles weakly. Something about the gesture makes him feel both hopeful and scared.]

Thank you.

[Now, where to start...]

It is to do with the fate of my world. Of what we had to do in our attempts to save it, and the reason for why I seek death so much. Why it is so hard for me to hold onto hope.

[He takes a deep breath, trying to distance himself from the facts of the matter, closes his eyes to concentrate better. That way, maybe he won't need to see Hien's disappointment and disgust.]

...I have told you of the Final Days, yes? Our world... suddenly changed. The creation magicks that we once used to bring forth beauty and prosperity birthed monsters, instead. Our nightmares, given form. Slowly, it began, but soon grew in scale, engulfing all of our lands, all of our cities. And we did not know why this happened, or how, or how we could reverse it.

[He swallows. It seems like the matter is starting to get to him, so he takes a few moments before continuing, eyes still closed.]

But something needed to be done. Our world burned. Our people were dying. The old, the young, the newborn. No one was spared. Even as we defeated the horrible creatures that came forth, there was no end. 'Twas as though the star itself had gone... rotten, sick. And all we were doing was dealing with the consequences, not the cause. So... it was the very laws of our world that we needed to change, we judged.

[He finally opens his eyes, looking down at the floor. His voice grows quieter, his expression growing closer to that of someone who is not forcing himself to be distant, but is already drifting away.]

...But that is no easy feat. To change a whole world? Not even we could do that. Not simply. So... we needed someone, something else to save us. So... we created our first god. Zodiark. He would become the new will of the star.

[Hythlo falls silent again, gripping Hien's hands in his before letting go of them, shakily. It looks like this is one of the moments when he will need some time to compose himself.]