[He stays silent for a time, trying to balance himself out without slipping into the familiar panic. A part of him feels disgusted - just how much can he repeat this cycle? Can't he do better?
Eventually, he continues.]
Despite everything, life is one thing we cannot create. In order for Zodiark to be a living creature... someone had to become his core. A person. One of us. We all offered ourselves for the role, of course. But... it was not... we had to be reasonable about it. What good would it do if we chose someone just for their noble desire to give themselves, only for them to prove unsuitable to the task? What would we say to our people, then? So... the choice had to be the right one.
[He swallows with difficulty. Even now, thinking about Elidibus makes him feel like his heart is being slowly torn apart.]
...To our dismay, it was... Elidibus. The Emissary. Our youngest. Our brightest. Our kindest. He--we had to give up him...
[Hythlo trails off again, biting his lip, closing his eyes as the tears start to well up.]
[ Hien keeps one of his hands on Hythlo's while the other hand digs out a box of tissues from his insides of his cloak and puts it next to Hythlo. You know, in case he feels like he needs it. He doesn't rush him and continues to listen. ]
[He does need them, and takes one gratefully, wiping at his eyes. It takes him a little while to calm down and begin speaking again.]
But as I said... he would only be the core of Zodiark. To give our new god the power he would need to save our world... We needed energy. A lot of it. Aether. And... with our creation magicks disrupted as they were... with nowhere else to turn...
[He chuckles, bitterly, looking down at his hands.]
...It was ourselves we gave. Our own souls. The densest source of aether we had left. I... take it you can guess what that means. Can't you, Hien?
[ Hien nods in response, but doesn't say anything. He doesn't want to disrupt Hythlo's momentum of telling his story while he still has it.
Hearing Hythlo's side of the story fills in some holes he didn't know about, and he attempts to stick the pieces of lore together in his head with what he heard from Joss too. ]
[Hien's silence is a little unnerving, and Hythlo wonders how his friend is feeling about these revelations. A part of him fears a sudden outburst of hatred. He looks back down after glancing at Hien, simply breathes for a while to try and calm himself down.]
And... I... I wanted to give myself, too. We all did, all of us. What sorrow can there be in giving your life to save others? [He takes a shaky breath.] Yet still... we needed to be--logical. Not everyone could give themselves. Not everyone could... allow to give themselves.
[More silence, more shaking in his hands. He feels as though his head is spinning.]
Even when a life is given willingly... the separation of soul and vessel is not a simple process. 'Tis one that... needs precision. Care. Skill. Someone who can... who can sever it cleanly. Painlessly.
[A quiet, nervous laughter rises in his throat as he tries to tug his hands away from Hien's grasp.]
And what... what could someone like that choose? To throw himself away? Or stay, to ease his people's suffering, watch countless souls pass under his hands?
[ After taking out the tissue box, Hien's free hand had gone back to holding Hythlo's. When Hythlo tries to tug them away from his, he doesn't let him. His grip is tight, but not enough to hurt. He recognizes that sort of laughter--it's the broken kind that every time it's heard, it precedes something much worse. ]
Daeus.
[ His voice is even, despite the distortion. There's no sign of disapproval, but none for approval either. The tone that he carries with his voice only asks Hythlo to continue after gathering himself again. ]
[He tenses, head bowed, gripping Hien's hand in return. He wants comfort right now, desperately, but he has no idea whether he deserves any at all, whether Hien would be willing to give it. He's gotten so used to the kindness his friend usually shows him, and it's terrifying to think that he might be denied it now.
And yet, he can't help wanting to be selfish.]
Hien... Could you hold me? Just--just for now. So that--I can continue...
[ Hien pulls Hythlo's hands towards him so that he can just pull his entire body and catches him in a hug before Hythlo can even finish that sentence. He won't offer words like "it'll be okay", because that seems rather bleak in the middle of what Hythlo had been telling him, so he just won't say anything. Instead, he gives him a hug and gently rubs his back. ]
[Hythlo gives a quiet sob as he's pulled into the hug, clinging to Hien desperately. A part of him can't believe that Hien would still choose to be kind to him, even after hearing how many lives he's had to take.
He stays like that for a time, his body tense, squeezing Hien in a return hug. Eventually, though, the worst of the episode seems to pass, and he relaxes slowly, then draws back.]
...Thank you. I know not whether I deserve that, but... thank you.
[His breath catches in surprise and he nods, gripping at his arm with his other hand. It is more than he deserves, he thinks, but at the same time... it is something he wants. Hythlo doesn't know if this is the kind of being selfish that Hien told him it's fine to be.
Deciding to put that aside, he tries to focus on his story again. It's easier to speak now that he's had some outlet for his anguish.]
'Tis obvious, but... I was one of those people. All of us who possessed the Sight... we agreed to take on this duty. Besides... the cleaner the separation, the easier it would be to bring them back later. We hoped that eventually, we could...
[He pauses again, then picks up.]
Half our number gave themselves to grant Zodiark his power. And, indeed, he could stall the destruction... but we were left with a dead world. In a sense, it was... even more terrifying. Especially for someone like me... looking around and no longer seeing the flow of life at all. As though the whole world was... no, not a corpse. Even dead things have grains of life in them. But there was simply... nothing. We arrived at a dead end.
[Hythlo takes another deep breath, trying to push away the mental images.]
We needed to give yet more. And, again... half of the remaining number gave themselves, so that life might flow through our star again. A new beginning.
[ Even with Hythlo's side of the story, it seemed that hey thought they could bring them back. Hien views this as cheating death, and perhaps they made light of what a sacrifice truly meant until it was too late. Though, he doesn't show any outward signs of anger. He's already had his time to do that.
[Hythlo returns Hien's nod with one of his own, almost absent-mindedly.]
We succeeded. Life returned once again. We... could start to rebuild. I thought it was the most joyful moment after all the horror we've lived through. Yet... what did restoring our homes and cities mean with no people to populate them? The question of returning our brethren to us was raised... and for the first time, we stood divided. The Convocation ruled that we would raise enough of the new life until it could be given to Zodiark in exchange for the souls that were first given to comprise him. Many disagreed, saying there has been enough loss already. They... went on to create their own goddess, mold her out of their own lives. Hydaelyn. Zodiark's counterpart, one meant to stop him. They clashed, giants in the sky.
[He looks away to the side, looking more tired than he has ever been, drained of emotion at this point.]
'Twas... terrifying. To know that our people could stand against each other to such extent. 'Twas in the aftermath of their fight that I died. Before I could... before I could do aught to pay for the things I've done.
[ Hien quietly breathes out. Alright. He thinks he understands now, more or less. Both versions line up with Hythlo filling in most of the details that Joss probably didn't know. It's better to have a witness at the scene to retell it, after all. ]
[Hythlo nods, despite the mounting anxiety in his heart. It's scary... but at the same time it's much better than leaving it rotting in secret forever. He would rather it be over with.]
[ what the ever living fuck were your people thinking hythlo--no he's not that mean
Hien tries to piece things together, so it takes a second for him to form his thoughts into a question. ]
I get that Hydaelyn was the opposing force for Zodiark, but why did they feel the need to summon her? Was Zodiark actively doing something that they didn't like? I thought his role was over apart from them debating to return the souls.
[ So, basically... Hien doesn't see the point of summoning Hydaelyn if Zodiark wasn't really doing anything after his job was done. ]
[Hythlo frowns, putting a hand to his chin. That... was not the question he was expecting.]
They... feared that Zodiark would only keep taking more and more from us. And that if they did not destroy him, the Convocation would go forward with the plan to sacrifice the new lives...
But it wasn't that Zodiark took their lives by force, right? It only did what it was told after receiving the required energy, if I'm understanding this correctly...
[ They sacrificed them. The Convocation? Whoever decides this stuff. ]
[Hythlodaeus nods slowly. To tell the truth, he's no longer sure how reliable his own memory is.]
I... I do not truly know. Mayhaps...
[His expression grows darker.]
Zodiark was not simply a tool, but a living creature in his own right. I think... they might have feared what would happen once we had one entity with power over all of us. After all, our people ever sought to maintain balance...
So... two entities are better than one? Even though they summoned Hydaelyn to vanquish Zodiark? Wouldn't it just be one entity with power over everyone all over again?
[ Hien wonders at this point if there was some conspiracy and brainwashing things going on behind the scenes that Hythlo doesn't know about, because it feels like everything aligned too well for it to fuck up tremendously and cause their own downfall. ]
[The more Hien asks, the more lost and worried Hythlo looks.]
I think... I think they might have thought she would simply shackle him. Restore the balance... so that neither of them could truly have power over us again. I... do not know...
[ Maybe this is just what Hythlo needed, a third party who can look past the war crimes aspect and tell him just what exactly feels wrong about all this. Hien doesn't feel like it's worthy of a eureka moment or anything though. He just finds all of this strange to begin with, even if Hythlo's people thought self-sacrifice was the way to go as Mass Panic Button.
He was about to ask if Hythlo could inquire Joss or Rhel about this, but Joss said that he didn't know all that well, so that's probably moot. Maybe Rhel does...? Though Hien isn't sure how involved she is in all this--he only knows that she's from a similar place. ]
That's... weird.
[ Because why would they resort to self-sacrifice over a flimsy "what-if"? Hien doesn't say this part out loud, because, well. Hythlo. ]
[He stares at the floor again, stunned by the enormity of the thought. Did that offend him? He's not sure at all how he feels about anything anymore. But at the same time...
Hythlo shakes his head, brings up a hand to his chest, clutching at the fabric of his clothes.]
It... It would make sense. For so long I asked myself why it was that the world turned upon us. What we've done to deserve all the suffering we've gone through, the fate that we barely escaped. But... if there was some will behind it...
[It makes it easier, so much easier... if much harder in other ways. Hythlodaeus goes cold with the realization that maybe--maybe preventing the Final Days would not be enough, if there is something that aims to destroy their world. Once again, would it not be simply dealing with consequences and not the root cause?
He raises his head to look up at Hien, breathing slowly despite the thundering of his heart. In a strange sense, he looks more alive than he has ever done.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 02:01 am (UTC)Eventually, he continues.]
Despite everything, life is one thing we cannot create. In order for Zodiark to be a living creature... someone had to become his core. A person. One of us. We all offered ourselves for the role, of course. But... it was not... we had to be reasonable about it. What good would it do if we chose someone just for their noble desire to give themselves, only for them to prove unsuitable to the task? What would we say to our people, then? So... the choice had to be the right one.
[He swallows with difficulty. Even now, thinking about Elidibus makes him feel like his heart is being slowly torn apart.]
...To our dismay, it was... Elidibus. The Emissary. Our youngest. Our brightest. Our kindest. He--we had to give up him...
[Hythlo trails off again, biting his lip, closing his eyes as the tears start to well up.]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 02:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 02:18 am (UTC)But as I said... he would only be the core of Zodiark. To give our new god the power he would need to save our world... We needed energy. A lot of it. Aether. And... with our creation magicks disrupted as they were... with nowhere else to turn...
[He chuckles, bitterly, looking down at his hands.]
...It was ourselves we gave. Our own souls. The densest source of aether we had left. I... take it you can guess what that means. Can't you, Hien?
no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 02:24 am (UTC)Hearing Hythlo's side of the story fills in some holes he didn't know about, and he attempts to stick the pieces of lore together in his head with what he heard from Joss too. ]
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Date: 2020-11-30 02:37 am (UTC)And... I... I wanted to give myself, too. We all did, all of us. What sorrow can there be in giving your life to save others? [He takes a shaky breath.] Yet still... we needed to be--logical. Not everyone could give themselves. Not everyone could... allow to give themselves.
[More silence, more shaking in his hands. He feels as though his head is spinning.]
Even when a life is given willingly... the separation of soul and vessel is not a simple process. 'Tis one that... needs precision. Care. Skill. Someone who can... who can sever it cleanly. Painlessly.
[A quiet, nervous laughter rises in his throat as he tries to tug his hands away from Hien's grasp.]
And what... what could someone like that choose? To throw himself away? Or stay, to ease his people's suffering, watch countless souls pass under his hands?
no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 02:44 am (UTC)Daeus.
[ His voice is even, despite the distortion. There's no sign of disapproval, but none for approval either. The tone that he carries with his voice only asks Hythlo to continue after gathering himself again. ]
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Date: 2020-11-30 03:15 am (UTC)And yet, he can't help wanting to be selfish.]
Hien... Could you hold me? Just--just for now. So that--I can continue...
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Date: 2020-11-30 03:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 03:23 am (UTC)He stays like that for a time, his body tense, squeezing Hien in a return hug. Eventually, though, the worst of the episode seems to pass, and he relaxes slowly, then draws back.]
...Thank you. I know not whether I deserve that, but... thank you.
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Date: 2020-11-30 03:27 am (UTC)[ But that's not something he seems to be willing to fight on right now. He lets Hythlo draw back and looks at his face. ]
I'll still be here.
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Date: 2020-11-30 03:42 am (UTC)Deciding to put that aside, he tries to focus on his story again. It's easier to speak now that he's had some outlet for his anguish.]
'Tis obvious, but... I was one of those people. All of us who possessed the Sight... we agreed to take on this duty. Besides... the cleaner the separation, the easier it would be to bring them back later. We hoped that eventually, we could...
[He pauses again, then picks up.]
Half our number gave themselves to grant Zodiark his power. And, indeed, he could stall the destruction... but we were left with a dead world. In a sense, it was... even more terrifying. Especially for someone like me... looking around and no longer seeing the flow of life at all. As though the whole world was... no, not a corpse. Even dead things have grains of life in them. But there was simply... nothing. We arrived at a dead end.
[Hythlo takes another deep breath, trying to push away the mental images.]
We needed to give yet more. And, again... half of the remaining number gave themselves, so that life might flow through our star again. A new beginning.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 03:58 am (UTC)He nods, signaling for Hythlo to continue. ]
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Date: 2020-11-30 04:14 am (UTC)We succeeded. Life returned once again. We... could start to rebuild. I thought it was the most joyful moment after all the horror we've lived through. Yet... what did restoring our homes and cities mean with no people to populate them? The question of returning our brethren to us was raised... and for the first time, we stood divided. The Convocation ruled that we would raise enough of the new life until it could be given to Zodiark in exchange for the souls that were first given to comprise him. Many disagreed, saying there has been enough loss already. They... went on to create their own goddess, mold her out of their own lives. Hydaelyn. Zodiark's counterpart, one meant to stop him. They clashed, giants in the sky.
[He looks away to the side, looking more tired than he has ever been, drained of emotion at this point.]
'Twas... terrifying. To know that our people could stand against each other to such extent. 'Twas in the aftermath of their fight that I died. Before I could... before I could do aught to pay for the things I've done.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 04:18 am (UTC)... Can I ask you a question?
no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 04:20 am (UTC)Of course.
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Date: 2020-11-30 04:25 am (UTC)what the ever living fuck were your people thinking hythlo--no he's not that meanHien tries to piece things together, so it takes a second for him to form his thoughts into a question. ]
I get that Hydaelyn was the opposing force for Zodiark, but why did they feel the need to summon her? Was Zodiark actively doing something that they didn't like? I thought his role was over apart from them debating to return the souls.
[ So, basically... Hien doesn't see the point of summoning Hydaelyn if Zodiark wasn't really doing anything after his job was done. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 04:30 am (UTC)They... feared that Zodiark would only keep taking more and more from us. And that if they did not destroy him, the Convocation would go forward with the plan to sacrifice the new lives...
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Date: 2020-11-30 04:34 am (UTC)[ They sacrificed them. The Convocation? Whoever decides this stuff. ]
So why was there fear...?
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Date: 2020-11-30 04:51 am (UTC)I... I do not truly know. Mayhaps...
[His expression grows darker.]
Zodiark was not simply a tool, but a living creature in his own right. I think... they might have feared what would happen once we had one entity with power over all of us. After all, our people ever sought to maintain balance...
no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 04:55 am (UTC)[ Hien wonders at this point if there was some conspiracy and brainwashing things going on behind the scenes that Hythlo doesn't know about, because it feels like everything aligned too well for it to fuck up tremendously and cause their own downfall. ]
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Date: 2020-11-30 04:57 am (UTC)I think... I think they might have thought she would simply shackle him. Restore the balance... so that neither of them could truly have power over us again. I... do not know...
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Date: 2020-11-30 05:08 am (UTC)He was about to ask if Hythlo could inquire Joss or Rhel about this, but Joss said that he didn't know all that well, so that's probably moot. Maybe Rhel does...? Though Hien isn't sure how involved she is in all this--he only knows that she's from a similar place. ]
That's... weird.
[ Because why would they resort to self-sacrifice over a flimsy "what-if"? Hien doesn't say this part out loud, because, well. Hythlo. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 05:23 am (UTC)Do you... think there was something else at play?..
no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 05:34 am (UTC)[ ... ]
I'm really sorry, if that offended you. I didn't mean to.
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Date: 2020-11-30 05:46 am (UTC)[He stares at the floor again, stunned by the enormity of the thought. Did that offend him? He's not sure at all how he feels about anything anymore. But at the same time...
Hythlo shakes his head, brings up a hand to his chest, clutching at the fabric of his clothes.]
It... It would make sense. For so long I asked myself why it was that the world turned upon us. What we've done to deserve all the suffering we've gone through, the fate that we barely escaped. But... if there was some will behind it...
[It makes it easier, so much easier... if much harder in other ways. Hythlodaeus goes cold with the realization that maybe--maybe preventing the Final Days would not be enough, if there is something that aims to destroy their world. Once again, would it not be simply dealing with consequences and not the root cause?
He raises his head to look up at Hien, breathing slowly despite the thundering of his heart. In a strange sense, he looks more alive than he has ever done.]
I shall find out.
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