[You know what, sure. Everyone they travel with except him keeps picking up more strange magic abilities he can't keep track of. Atsushi was making some attempt at a list, wasn't he? Those surveys... But that's lost in the same place he got lost, in the depths of the forest or wherever else.
Sagi sticks his hands in his pockets so that he isn't tempted to poke at the stone, see how solid it is. That would be rude.]
[Hythlo smiles, too, but his smile is more subdued, more wistful.]
...That, too, was no uncommon thing in my homeland. I... cannot understand the cruelty of this world. At times I think it must be simply a bad dream, yet I still wake here every day.
[He stares at the stone again, unseeing. Come to think of it, wasn't it Atsushi in whom he first saw the extent of damage humans are willing to inflict upon each other? It made him sick with terror at first; now, the feeling is more akin to confusion and deep sadness. He doesn't know if that is a good or a bad thing.]
Edited (imagine not making typos in your dramatic tags) Date: 2020-11-09 09:27 am (UTC)
He's unsure whether it'll help or make things worse, but Sagi steps a little closer and, as gently as possible, puts his hand on the side of Hythlo's giant arm.]
They're rebuilding, too, and helping each other. It's not everyone.
[Then he hesitates, because the next thought he has is one of the few he doesn't tend to voice much.]
It's... a lot of people. Usually with their own reasons. Sometimes they don't even mean it. But never everyone.
[Hythlo takes a deep breath and puts his hand over Sagi's, trying to show his appreciation.]
I understand. I... never meant to insinuate there is naught but evil in this world. But the cruelty that exists... I cannot comprehend it. And... I cannot help but pity those who choose the darker path, as well. 'Tis not a choice one can make out of happiness, of that I am certain.
[He looks down, trying to breathe evenly.]
Yet I could never deny that it terrifies me. Truly. Mayhap I am simply too weak.
"Weak" isn't it. I think that's where everything else starts. Seeing what people are capable of, for what it is, and... deciding not to be that.
...That might sound like just a platitude, coming from me.
[It's a little rare for Sagi to sound overtly self-deprecating like this. Is it Sagi doing the talking right now? Well, it has to be in the absence of anyone else, so he isn't thinking about it.]
I can't always handle it either, so... [A small, casual shrug with his other hand.] Who knows.
[It's mildly hypocritical for him to pretend a part of him doesn't want to see the world burn sometimes, and that's about it. He doesn't think that's complicated enough to be confusing.]
[Hythlo smiles a little, patting Sagi's hand in turn.]
Mayhap we could fail to handle it together. A better dream is finding a way to handle it... But I have my doubts as to how long I shall be able to go on without breaking.
[About Hythlo, primarily. Sagi already has an answer for himself, the same one it's always been: as long as he has to, to do what he needs to, until he can go home. Hythlo... doesn't have that. He's dead.
Marno didn't have that, either. His answer ended up different: until Sagi's story is over, whenever that might be. That wouldn't be Hythlo's, obviously... but it suggests there's one to be found.
He keeps his hand on Hythlo's arm a little longer, because it seems like that's what helps them see eye to eye. Figuratively. Not that he understands why, exactly. Maybe he can't.]
If it helps, you can talk to me about it. It doesn't have to be today. I'll listen.
[He can't promise more than just listening, either. He just thinks it's only fair.]
[He'd figured Hythlo wouldn't be in the mood, but he supposes anyone loitering in the grounds near the roped-off tower has their own business to attend to, unless they're him. He lets go and sits down, arms loosely crossed over his knees.]
He felt that he had to enter them, in order to... subdue his Pokemon. Make them listen to him. The idea did not sit right with master Atsushi... nor with me, I must needs say.
[He laughs quietly.]
In the end we decided that neither of us was cut out for battling, and that mayhap 'twould be best if we chose to do something different with our companions... But that is not what I meant to talk about.
[Hythlo takes a deep breath, trying to steel himself for breaching the actual subject.]
When we talked... It seemed as though he remembered something. I know not whether it was my words that brought back the memory or aught else... Yet come it did.
[He breaks off the blade of grass, winds it around a finger. Unwinds, rewinds.]
I know not what it was he remembered, of course. But all he could do was fall to his knees. Cower. Weep. Beg for forgiveness. Promise to be better.
[The grass tears between his fingers.]
He was not talking to me. He was talking to someone else. Someone made him like this.
[Hythlo's breath is coming deeper, more measured, as though he's trying to keep himself under control.]
[Sagi stays quiet while Hythlo recounts it, like he said he would. Something twists in the pit of his stomach while he processes it. He'd noticed that Atsushi was especially jumpy about people touching him; it makes a horrifying amount of sense that there'd be... something else going on there. He doesn't need nor want to guess at the details. But even thinking about that chain of logic from so distant, so voyeuristic a vantage point is kind of sickening in itself.
(When people made him the way he is, he wasn't remotely old enough to remember. The lucky one, time after time...)
He reaches for the side of Hythlo's arm again, meaning to hook his own arm around it this time. It's another hesitant, awkward attempt at comfort, but it's the best he can think of.]
I'm sorry.
[What else can he say? Though it burns away at him somewhere inside to watch Hythlo get upset again like this and feel like he's doing nothing, he could only truthfully promise to listen.]
[The attempt is successful: Hythlo tugs on Sagi's arm a little in response, then leans onto him. For all his height, he suddenly seems smaller.]
... You've naught to apologize for. And... 'twas the same when I saw you, too. It was... it used to be unfathomable to me that people could be so cruel to each other. Yet the more time I spend here, the more I understand that it is simply the norm. And I know not what I am to do about it.
[He runs a hand down his face.]
I think... I almost convinced myself that should I simply not bring it to mind, the knowledge will go away. Turn out to be naught but a bad dream. But it did not, nor has it left. What am I to do? Try to prevent it from ever happening again? I am but a single man. 'Twould be as throwing rocks at the sun. What am I to do?!
[When he looks across at Hythlo again, his voice is quieter, but firm. He believes this completely. It's one belief every part of him holds.]
I think I get it. It's... hard, when something you took for granted your whole life turns out to be less rosy than you imagined. But - kids still need feeding, plants still need watering, floors still need cleaning. People still need a shoulder to cry on, sometimes.
[There's no mockery to his tone. His smile is soft.]
We don't have to be cut out to change the world. Just what we can reach. One thing at a time.
[Hythlo draws in a shaky breath. He can't deny that Sagi is right, that he, too, wants to see life go on as well. But...]
...Does it ever truly change? Truly? Destruction is so much simpler, so much easier than creation. How can one be certain that the things we do are not simply washed away by more selfishness, by more cruelty? 'Tis not an uphill battle, 'tis a losing one!
[He presses a hand to his face as his voice breaks, drags his nails down the skin, bitter tears welling up in his eyes. He wants to hope, he does, but from the point of view of someone who lives almost forever... how is it possible to close his mind to the suffering and despair people are willing to inflict on each other every day?]
But that is bleak, is it not? Fighting against your nature, against your circumstances for all of your existence, and being rewarded with naught but death, your legacy barely persisting for mere decades after your passing... Nay, what is worse is knowing that others share your fate, too. How could a heart bear it?
[Hmm... didn't work as well that time. He's really upset. Sagi frowns again.]
Hythlodaeus, I can't argue you into being okay with it.
[He's less chiding than simply, plaintively sad. He could choose to be something other than sad, but there's really only one other option, and what Hythlo is saying isn't wrong enough to warrant getting mad. People struggle, then disappear. A thousand years is long enough to uplift gods out of humans and forget the earth under the sky. Everything washes away, the good and the bad. At one point, he was ready to just let it...
He wouldn't now, no. He has someone to go home to. Hythlo doesn't, because he's dead.]
I wish I could. You're kind, and brave, and you've been really nice to me. And, it's clearly hurting you just to think about. I just don't have the answer you're looking for. I only have mine and his.
[Can he even meet it halfway? He tries to think. In the periphery of his vision, the marble slab feels like it's staring at them.]
You said there's a "wanderer" who guides the lost. Isn't that for you, too?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2020-11-09 07:59 am (UTC)[Being thanked for it seems awkward. Maybe it's the way the marker still looks like a grave of some kind to him, even after the explanation.]
...Where did you find the stone, anyway?
no subject
Date: 2020-11-09 08:22 am (UTC)I did not. I simply made it. Marble has ever been the material of choice for us...
no subject
Date: 2020-11-09 08:32 am (UTC)Sagi sticks his hands in his pockets so that he isn't tempted to poke at the stone, see how solid it is. That would be rude.]
Is that a "domain" thing too?
no subject
Date: 2020-11-09 08:38 am (UTC)Hythlo chuckles a little, as is his wont.]
Ah, no. 'Tis an ability all of my people possess. My sight is the one thing that stands out... on all other accounts, I am quite an unremarkable man.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-09 08:51 am (UTC)[He actually smiles. He may not like it himself, but...]
It's a nice idea. It's thoughtful.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-09 09:06 am (UTC)...That, too, was no uncommon thing in my homeland. I... cannot understand the cruelty of this world. At times I think it must be simply a bad dream, yet I still wake here every day.
[He stares at the stone again, unseeing. Come to think of it, wasn't it Atsushi in whom he first saw the extent of damage humans are willing to inflict upon each other? It made him sick with terror at first; now, the feeling is more akin to confusion and deep sadness. He doesn't know if that is a good or a bad thing.]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-09 09:40 am (UTC)He's unsure whether it'll help or make things worse, but Sagi steps a little closer and, as gently as possible, puts his hand on the side of Hythlo's giant arm.]
They're rebuilding, too, and helping each other. It's not everyone.
[Then he hesitates, because the next thought he has is one of the few he doesn't tend to voice much.]
It's... a lot of people. Usually with their own reasons. Sometimes they don't even mean it. But never everyone.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-09 09:49 am (UTC)I understand. I... never meant to insinuate there is naught but evil in this world. But the cruelty that exists... I cannot comprehend it. And... I cannot help but pity those who choose the darker path, as well. 'Tis not a choice one can make out of happiness, of that I am certain.
[He looks down, trying to breathe evenly.]
Yet I could never deny that it terrifies me. Truly. Mayhap I am simply too weak.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-09 10:28 am (UTC)"Weak" isn't it. I think that's where everything else starts. Seeing what people are capable of, for what it is, and... deciding not to be that.
...That might sound like just a platitude, coming from me.
[It's a little rare for Sagi to sound overtly self-deprecating like this. Is it Sagi doing the talking right now? Well, it has to be in the absence of anyone else, so he isn't thinking about it.]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-09 01:57 pm (UTC)What do you mean? You are a good man, Sagi. I would trust that you know what you are talking about, and mean it, too.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-09 06:53 pm (UTC)I can't always handle it either, so... [A small, casual shrug with his other hand.] Who knows.
[It's mildly hypocritical for him to pretend a part of him doesn't want to see the world burn sometimes, and that's about it. He doesn't think that's complicated enough to be confusing.]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-10 06:23 am (UTC)Mayhap we could fail to handle it together. A better dream is finding a way to handle it... But I have my doubts as to how long I shall be able to go on without breaking.
[It's the self-deprecation baybey!!!]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-10 08:33 am (UTC)[About Hythlo, primarily. Sagi already has an answer for himself, the same one it's always been: as long as he has to, to do what he needs to, until he can go home. Hythlo... doesn't have that. He's dead.
Marno didn't have that, either. His answer ended up different: until Sagi's story is over, whenever that might be. That wouldn't be Hythlo's, obviously... but it suggests there's one to be found.
He keeps his hand on Hythlo's arm a little longer, because it seems like that's what helps them see eye to eye. Figuratively. Not that he understands why, exactly. Maybe he can't.]
If it helps, you can talk to me about it. It doesn't have to be today. I'll listen.
[He can't promise more than just listening, either. He just thinks it's only fair.]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-10 09:12 am (UTC)[He pats the grass next to him. Sit down, Sagi, it's time for existential sadness.]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-10 09:20 am (UTC)[He'd figured Hythlo wouldn't be in the mood, but he supposes anyone loitering in the grounds near the roped-off tower has their own business to attend to, unless they're him. He lets go and sits down, arms loosely crossed over his knees.]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-10 09:37 am (UTC)Have I ever told you about the time when I spoke with master Atsushi at the contest hall?
no subject
Date: 2020-11-10 09:42 am (UTC)I don't think so. I didn't know he was interested in them.
[Not that he knows anything about Pokemon contests, but the name alone suggests they wouldn't be ideal for someone so... anxious.]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-10 10:24 am (UTC)[He laughs quietly.]
In the end we decided that neither of us was cut out for battling, and that mayhap 'twould be best if we chose to do something different with our companions... But that is not what I meant to talk about.
[Hythlo takes a deep breath, trying to steel himself for breaching the actual subject.]
When we talked... It seemed as though he remembered something. I know not whether it was my words that brought back the memory or aught else... Yet come it did.
[He breaks off the blade of grass, winds it around a finger. Unwinds, rewinds.]
I know not what it was he remembered, of course. But all he could do was fall to his knees. Cower. Weep. Beg for forgiveness. Promise to be better.
[The grass tears between his fingers.]
He was not talking to me. He was talking to someone else. Someone made him like this.
[Hythlo's breath is coming deeper, more measured, as though he's trying to keep himself under control.]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-10 11:16 am (UTC)(When people made him the way he is, he wasn't remotely old enough to remember. The lucky one, time after time...)
He reaches for the side of Hythlo's arm again, meaning to hook his own arm around it this time. It's another hesitant, awkward attempt at comfort, but it's the best he can think of.]
I'm sorry.
[What else can he say? Though it burns away at him somewhere inside to watch Hythlo get upset again like this and feel like he's doing nothing, he could only truthfully promise to listen.]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-10 01:07 pm (UTC)... You've naught to apologize for. And... 'twas the same when I saw you, too. It was... it used to be unfathomable to me that people could be so cruel to each other. Yet the more time I spend here, the more I understand that it is simply the norm. And I know not what I am to do about it.
[He runs a hand down his face.]
I think... I almost convinced myself that should I simply not bring it to mind, the knowledge will go away. Turn out to be naught but a bad dream. But it did not, nor has it left. What am I to do? Try to prevent it from ever happening again? I am but a single man. 'Twould be as throwing rocks at the sun. What am I to do?!
no subject
Date: 2020-11-10 02:15 pm (UTC)[When he looks across at Hythlo again, his voice is quieter, but firm. He believes this completely. It's one belief every part of him holds.]
I think I get it. It's... hard, when something you took for granted your whole life turns out to be less rosy than you imagined. But - kids still need feeding, plants still need watering, floors still need cleaning. People still need a shoulder to cry on, sometimes.
[There's no mockery to his tone. His smile is soft.]
We don't have to be cut out to change the world. Just what we can reach. One thing at a time.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-10 02:32 pm (UTC)...Does it ever truly change? Truly? Destruction is so much simpler, so much easier than creation. How can one be certain that the things we do are not simply washed away by more selfishness, by more cruelty? 'Tis not an uphill battle, 'tis a losing one!
[He presses a hand to his face as his voice breaks, drags his nails down the skin, bitter tears welling up in his eyes. He wants to hope, he does, but from the point of view of someone who lives almost forever... how is it possible to close his mind to the suffering and despair people are willing to inflict on each other every day?]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-10 03:00 pm (UTC)He squeezes Hythlo's arm slightly, as if trying to close it that way instead of with words.]
If you ask me? We haven't lost until we've lost.
[That's all. Morality debates are a field nobody wins on. He refuses to even try.]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-10 04:54 pm (UTC)But that is bleak, is it not? Fighting against your nature, against your circumstances for all of your existence, and being rewarded with naught but death, your legacy barely persisting for mere decades after your passing... Nay, what is worse is knowing that others share your fate, too. How could a heart bear it?
no subject
Date: 2020-11-10 07:31 pm (UTC)Hythlodaeus, I can't argue you into being okay with it.
[He's less chiding than simply, plaintively sad. He could choose to be something other than sad, but there's really only one other option, and what Hythlo is saying isn't wrong enough to warrant getting mad. People struggle, then disappear. A thousand years is long enough to uplift gods out of humans and forget the earth under the sky. Everything washes away, the good and the bad. At one point, he was ready to just let it...
He wouldn't now, no. He has someone to go home to. Hythlo doesn't, because he's dead.]
I wish I could. You're kind, and brave, and you've been really nice to me. And, it's clearly hurting you just to think about. I just don't have the answer you're looking for. I only have mine and his.
[Can he even meet it halfway? He tries to think. In the periphery of his vision, the marble slab feels like it's staring at them.]
You said there's a "wanderer" who guides the lost. Isn't that for you, too?
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: