[Hythlo shakes his head. To him, the difference is obvious.]
Nay, what I mean is... You are surrounded by it from your very birth. A child will oft see his grandparents pass well before his own prime. Disease, accidents, mere overwork... There is so much besides forceful death. You... are so much more cognizant of it. You have to be. And deep down you know from such young age that you, too, shall expire one day. You do not even know what might wait for you on the other side. You are all...
[He looks down at his lap, the sadness in his voice rivaling that in Joss's expression.]
...so alone.
[The words come out as almost a whisper, but rather than pity, they sound very much like a child being unable to force reality, puzzled and hurt and scared.]
[Like the size of the ocean in Cassava, that's much too high a number for Sagi to have any context for, so he doesn't try. Still, it cements the hunch he got earlier - the vague feeling that something must have been horribly wrong with Hythlo's home, beyond Hythlo's own ability to affect or recognise. Otherwise, why would it have collapsed?]
Then it's no surprise you can't wrap your head around it. But... I don't think you actually have to.
...I wonder. That is to say... I doubt I could return to my world. There is nowhere to return anymore. I... must needs get used to the ways of this one.
Yeah, eventually. It doesn't have to be all at once. Doing what seems right in the moment, listening to people, moving forward - they're all things you can do without having to understand.
[Like him, is the part he doesn't say aloud for once. He's been going through the motions ever since he got here. Better than getting your heart stuck in one place. Anything is.]
So... if you don't understand yet, I think that's okay.
[Hythlo nods quietly, gives Sagi a small smile. Maybe moving forward bit by bit, as though blind, is all he's capable of right now. But maybe it won't be forever.]
...You may have the right of it, Sagi. 'Tis frightening, however, is it not? To realize that you are reduced to such a state when but a short while ago you were flying free, figuratively speaking. And now... there is naught for you to do but keep going for fear of stopping. For if you stop, you could not start again.
[He stares at the table again, his voice trailing off slightly at the end, as though he's not all there once more.]
[Even Sagi is learning to recognise that trailing off by now. He can't reach Hythlo from this side of the table for another hug or a pat on the arm, but he can reach Hythlo's hand to touch it lightly, and repeat himself.] It's okay.
[Unfortunately, nothing in the world can prevent Hythlodaeus from starting his morality-mortality-human-condition speeches. He gives Sagi an inquisitive look.]
Is it? I do not wish to be negative, of course, heavens know I've had much too much of that already... But it occurs to me what a peculiar phrase that is, and how we use it. Simply to reassure ourselves, not indicate that the situation is fine... We say that things are 'okay', but what we mean is that we are powerless to change them. We can but go along with them.
[At least he looks... thoughtful? Rather than unbearably sad? This seems to be general philosophizing.]
[Just as powerless as Sagi is to stop Hythlo from rambling. He smiles weakly.The similarity does not completely escape him.
Still, he sits back in his seat again. Hythlo seems to be less agitated after crying some more of it out of his system, which is good. One day he'll feel better. Sagi earnestly believes that.
...It would be a good idea to actually drink the milk tea they bought, huh. He takes the lid off the cup and contemplates the bubbles inside. Were they originally dried up? He can't tell.]
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no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 06:56 am (UTC)Nay, what I mean is... You are surrounded by it from your very birth. A child will oft see his grandparents pass well before his own prime. Disease, accidents, mere overwork... There is so much besides forceful death. You... are so much more cognizant of it. You have to be. And deep down you know from such young age that you, too, shall expire one day. You do not even know what might wait for you on the other side. You are all...
[He looks down at his lap, the sadness in his voice rivaling that in Joss's expression.]
...so alone.
[The words come out as almost a whisper, but rather than pity, they sound very much like a child being unable to force reality, puzzled and hurt and scared.]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 07:30 am (UTC)How old are you, anyway?
[About five years old in some ways, but it's only just occurring to him that he didn't ask about the literal sense.]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 07:31 am (UTC)Twenty-eight. Er... hundred, that is.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 07:55 am (UTC)[Like the size of the ocean in Cassava, that's much too high a number for Sagi to have any context for, so he doesn't try. Still, it cements the hunch he got earlier - the vague feeling that something must have been horribly wrong with Hythlo's home, beyond Hythlo's own ability to affect or recognise. Otherwise, why would it have collapsed?]
Then it's no surprise you can't wrap your head around it. But... I don't think you actually have to.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 03:45 pm (UTC)...I wonder. That is to say... I doubt I could return to my world. There is nowhere to return anymore. I... must needs get used to the ways of this one.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-30 04:24 pm (UTC)[Like him, is the part he doesn't say aloud for once. He's been going through the motions ever since he got here. Better than getting your heart stuck in one place. Anything is.]
So... if you don't understand yet, I think that's okay.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-01 01:08 pm (UTC)...You may have the right of it, Sagi. 'Tis frightening, however, is it not? To realize that you are reduced to such a state when but a short while ago you were flying free, figuratively speaking. And now... there is naught for you to do but keep going for fear of stopping. For if you stop, you could not start again.
[He stares at the table again, his voice trailing off slightly at the end, as though he's not all there once more.]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-01 01:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-01 01:35 pm (UTC)Is it? I do not wish to be negative, of course, heavens know I've had much too much of that already... But it occurs to me what a peculiar phrase that is, and how we use it. Simply to reassure ourselves, not indicate that the situation is fine... We say that things are 'okay', but what we mean is that we are powerless to change them. We can but go along with them.
[At least he looks... thoughtful? Rather than unbearably sad? This seems to be general philosophizing.]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-01 01:45 pm (UTC)[Just as powerless as Sagi is to stop Hythlo from rambling. He smiles weakly.The similarity does not completely escape him.
Still, he sits back in his seat again. Hythlo seems to be less agitated after crying some more of it out of his system, which is good. One day he'll feel better. Sagi earnestly believes that.
...It would be a good idea to actually drink the milk tea they bought, huh. He takes the lid off the cup and contemplates the bubbles inside. Were they originally dried up? He can't tell.]