[You are greeted with the sound of randomly disrupted static, at the end of which three melodic beeping signals are heard. Yep, that's your cue to leave a message!]
I understand the fear. ... But, I find. . . . those fears of mine were hardly ever rewarded. None have turned me away in my time of need, and I received no judgment—only sympathy. My humanity was respected.
If you would like me to contact someone, I can. But I'm sure Sky-san can do it for you, if that person has the ability or funds to purchase the ability.
[ pausing—in a lighter tone, ]
Would you like to try a brownie? I've read that chocolate does wonders for one's mood.
[He smiles at the transition. Lucifel is sweet... er, edit that thought. Lucifel is kind. There we go.]
Indeed. Vergil brought me some hot chocolate, on the night after we all woke up... It was wonderful.
[Taking! A brownie!]
Thank you for coming to talk to me, Lucifel. I... do feel a little calmer. And, though it is selfish of me to say, and I wish with all my heart that we didn't both experience such things... it is good to know that someone understands.
Likewise. But I am certain we can put the circumstances of our meeting behind us--not to mention that we technically first met in the game. A much more pleasant first encounter. I really am quite impressed by how level-headed and logical you are, not to mention pleasant company overall.
Your words are too kind, Levity-san—but I'm glad you find my company pleasant, despite my forwardness. You are quite kind, to indulge me so.
. . . And, I would ask you to continue that—though we've only met infrequently thus far, if I can be a source of comfort to your worries, I'd like to be that. Ah—and if you have need of healing, of course, you can always contact me.
Do you think yourself forward? The word seems to usually imply a degree of negativity. I would call you open and honest, instead--admirable qualities, to my eye.
And... thank you. I would certainly love to spend more time with you. As for healing--I do hope I will not need it often, but... I am grateful for the offer. On my end, if there is anything you need repaired or built, I am at your service.
Ah--you've gone through there, too? I was lucky enough that I had D.Va with me... I cannot fight, least of all kill someone, but she is much stronger than me, and she was furious to find out that I died by S-- by his hand.
[He looks aside, conflicted. Absinthe was pretty displeased, too, and remembering that... only makes everything more painful. The fact that part of him cared enough to be concerned for Levity, open up to him, try to warn him.
Maybe it--maybe it really was his own fault, in the end, for being so damn short-sighted and naive. He's the reason why he's been hurt, why the people he loves are suffering.
Levity's hand on his chest curls into a fist, digging into his clothes.]
...but I will admit that--it was the much more merciful death for me.
[It dawns on Levity that maybe he wants to talk about it, just a little, with someone who can understand. He takes a sip of his tea slowly, trying to gather his thoughts.]
I... I have to confess that while I found it hard to face--most aspects of it, really... I know that it was easier on me than it would have been on others. At least, until--until that room...
[He falls silent for a bit, then shakes his head to chase away the remembrance.]
And yet that, too, is unpleasant. There was... another place I visited, that... I am certain that if I had been anyone else, I would go through some... terrible things, likely. Yet that was not the case for me.
[...]
Maybe that's--that's why--I thought it would...
[Levity trails off, staring at the floor. He looks miserable.]
...He... let me out immediately, yes. I came back later... to light some of the candles--it was so dark, and I wanted...
[He feels bile rise in his throat. He wanted to be kind, he wanted things to be brighter. He was an idiot.]
He did--warn me that some parts of his soul might want to hurt me. But I thought it to be Som--the man in the field, or even... or even that version of you. In the kitchen.
[Listen it was baby's first heart he didn't even know how these things work.]
[ he's not super keen on influencing levity's opinion one way or the other—but maybe this will comfort him. ]
It's possible that he would not have hurt you—that he would have been able to preserve himself—if that overgrowth was not so present. I did notice that the dungeon was the only place wherein that corruption was not present.
[ softly ]
Perhaps, that is why he had any mind to be able to hold himself back in that room—perhaps that is why the other rooms were so volatile. I could not say, but—when I eliminated the corruption in the bedroom, the being in the closet disappeared.
[He listens, breathing quietly, anxiety churning his gut. A part of him does want to believe that Absinthe cares for him in truth, that it was just... some outside influence. But it's so hard to separate whether that is what he truly wants to think or if it's just that terrified part of him, the one that hoped that belief can replace reality, that if he pretends enough it won't hurt as much, it won't damage him as badly.
It's a tangled mess, but unfortunately the last part just makes it worse. Levity stares at the floor, unseeing, feeling an abyss open up within him. He didn't... even find the actual source of the corruption, then. It was all for nothing. The stupidest mistake he could have made, and now he doesn't even have the shield of having tried to help. He was just... an idiot.
Slowly, he transfers his gaze to the cup in his hand. Maybe if he breaks it he will end up with a piece sharp enough to cut his throat with again. Or... the teaspoon... make into a knife--or, ahah, a nail, stab himself again, however painful it was, and being unable to even scream, and the blood in his lungs, and...]
[DO NOT @ HIM????? Levity actually flinches at the mortifying ordeal of being known, fingers digging into his palms, body tense, breath coming faster.]
[No, what he's actually going to do is cry :'( but at least rather than the tears of a self-hating breakdown it's more... helpless, vulnerable, at knowing that it wasn't just him, that someone understands how he feels. That maybe, just maybe, blaming himself is unreasonable--because it would mean blaming Lucifel, too, when he is strong and kind and caring.
...Why is it so that caring for others is a mistake in this world? Why is it apparently weak, laughable, naive, something to break, even by those very same people who want and need it?
Maybe it would be better if he could articulate it, but as it is Levity can only cry, pulling up his knees to his chest to hide his face in them.]
[ the deeply, deeply unfortunate part about all of this is that lucifel isn't really in a better headspace himself—food is food is food is food—but he can, at least, pretend that he is, so that he can walk levity through his own pain.
though, perhaps not right now—what can he do for levity right now, when he needs to get his pain out but he can't be touched?
persephone would do this for him—he would sing. so, he lets levity cry—if someone who's very nearly a stranger can make him cry so heavily, he's certain levity needs it—while he hums a soothing, hymnal sort of tune with a low, steady voice. ]
Edited ((i just wanted to add the ellipses it paces better in my head sorry)) Date: 2021-02-14 01:11 pm (UTC)
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weenwoon
no subject
Date: 2021-02-13 01:24 pm (UTC)[He runs his hands down his face tiredly.]
I believe I know barely anyone on the unit, but...
I... do trust Sky. If they have that ability, I shall turn to them.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-13 01:36 pm (UTC)If you would like me to contact someone, I can. But I'm sure Sky-san can do it for you, if that person has the ability or funds to purchase the ability.
[ pausing—in a lighter tone, ]
Would you like to try a brownie? I've read that chocolate does wonders for one's mood.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-13 01:49 pm (UTC)Indeed. Vergil brought me some hot chocolate, on the night after we all woke up... It was wonderful.
[Taking! A brownie!]
Thank you for coming to talk to me, Lucifel. I... do feel a little calmer. And, though it is selfish of me to say, and I wish with all my heart that we didn't both experience such things... it is good to know that someone understands.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-13 09:01 pm (UTC)[ with a soft smile, ]
And, I'm glad to finally meet you, though the circumstances are poor.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-14 04:39 am (UTC)Likewise. But I am certain we can put the circumstances of our meeting behind us--not to mention that we technically first met in the game. A much more pleasant first encounter. I really am quite impressed by how level-headed and logical you are, not to mention pleasant company overall.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-14 04:55 am (UTC). . . And, I would ask you to continue that—though we've only met infrequently thus far, if I can be a source of comfort to your worries, I'd like to be that. Ah—and if you have need of healing, of course, you can always contact me.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-14 07:27 am (UTC)Do you think yourself forward? The word seems to usually imply a degree of negativity. I would call you open and honest, instead--admirable qualities, to my eye.
And... thank you. I would certainly love to spend more time with you. As for healing--I do hope I will not need it often, but... I am grateful for the offer. On my end, if there is anything you need repaired or built, I am at your service.
[He touches his chest thoughtfully.]
...Remind me - can sensitIV remove scars?
1/2
Date: 2021-02-14 07:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-02-14 07:59 am (UTC)We can, yes. Though, if the area is healed when there is no injury, the scar will re-appear.
Still, it's not 500 points for us to remove the scar.
[ in a lighter tone at the end, a little jokey ]
no subject
Date: 2021-02-14 08:16 am (UTC)I see... Then I suppose I've not much choice but to leave it be for now.
[He sighs.]
I know not why only this particular scar remained, but I am glad it was not one of the worse injuries I endured that were left.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-14 08:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-02-14 08:58 am (UTC)[He looks aside, conflicted. Absinthe was pretty displeased, too, and remembering that... only makes everything more painful. The fact that part of him cared enough to be concerned for Levity, open up to him, try to warn him.
Maybe it--maybe it really was his own fault, in the end, for being so damn short-sighted and naive. He's the reason why he's been hurt, why the people he loves are suffering.
Levity's hand on his chest curls into a fist, digging into his clothes.]
no subject
Date: 2021-02-14 09:16 am (UTC)[ pressing a hand to his own chest ]
. . . That heart was difficult to move through. A certain level of—ruthlessness, and willingness to kill, was necessary to survive in it.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-14 09:22 am (UTC)[He exhales quietly.]
...but I will admit that--it was the much more merciful death for me.
[It dawns on Levity that maybe he wants to talk about it, just a little, with someone who can understand. He takes a sip of his tea slowly, trying to gather his thoughts.]
I... I have to confess that while I found it hard to face--most aspects of it, really... I know that it was easier on me than it would have been on others. At least, until--until that room...
[He falls silent for a bit, then shakes his head to chase away the remembrance.]
And yet that, too, is unpleasant. There was... another place I visited, that... I am certain that if I had been anyone else, I would go through some... terrible things, likely. Yet that was not the case for me.
[...]
Maybe that's--that's why--I thought it would...
[Levity trails off, staring at the floor. He looks miserable.]
no subject
Date: 2021-02-14 09:30 am (UTC). . . The dungeon—I'm sure he didn't lay a finger on you.
So, you thought that would be upheld in every part of his heart . . . ?
[ no judgment in tone, just encouraging him to talk ]
no subject
Date: 2021-02-14 09:34 am (UTC)...He... let me out immediately, yes. I came back later... to light some of the candles--it was so dark, and I wanted...
[He feels bile rise in his throat. He wanted to be kind, he wanted things to be brighter. He was an idiot.]
He did--warn me that some parts of his soul might want to hurt me. But I thought it to be Som--the man in the field, or even... or even that version of you. In the kitchen.
[Listen it was baby's first heart he didn't even know how these things work.]
no subject
Date: 2021-02-14 09:41 am (UTC). . .
[ he's not super keen on influencing levity's opinion one way or the other—but maybe this will comfort him. ]
It's possible that he would not have hurt you—that he would have been able to preserve himself—if that overgrowth was not so present. I did notice that the dungeon was the only place wherein that corruption was not present.
[ softly ]
Perhaps, that is why he had any mind to be able to hold himself back in that room—perhaps that is why the other rooms were so volatile. I could not say, but—when I eliminated the corruption in the bedroom, the being in the closet disappeared.
cw suicidal shit baybey!!!!
Date: 2021-02-14 10:41 am (UTC)It's a tangled mess, but unfortunately the last part just makes it worse. Levity stares at the floor, unseeing, feeling an abyss open up within him. He didn't... even find the actual source of the corruption, then. It was all for nothing. The stupidest mistake he could have made, and now he doesn't even have the shield of having tried to help. He was just... an idiot.
Slowly, he transfers his gaze to the cup in his hand. Maybe if he breaks it he will end up with a piece sharp enough to cut his throat with again. Or... the teaspoon... make into a knife--or, ahah, a nail, stab himself again, however painful it was, and being unable to even scream, and the blood in his lungs, and...]
Re: cw suicidal shit baybey!!!!
Date: 2021-02-14 11:18 am (UTC)[ in a low tone, slow, but in a firm one—to try breaking him out of his reverie ]
Re: cw suicidal shit baybey!!!!
Date: 2021-02-14 11:23 am (UTC)...I'm an idiot. Worse. I just...
Re: cw suicidal shit baybey!!!!
Date: 2021-02-14 11:29 am (UTC)[ shifting again, back to crouching for him ]
"It's my fault for letting myself get hurt. Even though I was warned, I made a mistake, and it was for nothing."
. . . Is that what you're thinking, now?
Re: cw suicidal shit baybey!!!!
Date: 2021-02-14 11:31 am (UTC)I-I--
Re: cw suicidal shit baybey!!!!
Date: 2021-02-14 11:34 am (UTC)[ with a reassuring tone, a little softer ]
It's alright, Levity-san. Please, breathe slowly.
Re: cw suicidal shit baybey!!!!
Date: 2021-02-14 11:47 am (UTC)...Why is it so that caring for others is a mistake in this world? Why is it apparently weak, laughable, naive, something to break, even by those very same people who want and need it?
Maybe it would be better if he could articulate it, but as it is Levity can only cry, pulling up his knees to his chest to hide his face in them.]
cannibalism implications
Date: 2021-02-14 12:20 pm (UTC)[ the deeply, deeply unfortunate part about all of this is that lucifel isn't really in a better headspace himself—food is food is food is food—but he can, at least, pretend that he is, so that he can walk levity through his own pain.
though, perhaps not right now—what can he do for levity right now, when he needs to get his pain out but he can't be touched?
persephone would do this for him—he would sing. so, he lets levity cry—if someone who's very nearly a stranger can make him cry so heavily, he's certain levity needs it—while he hums a soothing, hymnal sort of tune with a low, steady voice. ]
luci stop being food!!!! also big debression vibes here
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