[If Sagi had any actual criticism of Hythlo's fashion sense, this might have explained a lot, but he doesn't. He turns his head when he notices the Espurr isn't following along any more, though. It's possible that, like him, it doesn't want to step in anything untoward... He can't exactly ask it how long it was stuck in that dumpster, after all.]
Oh yeah, this little guy... [He beckons to it. It's just his 8 foot tall friend, no need to be shy.] It was acting like it overheard you earlier and thought you were crying. Everything's good now, right?
I could not see truly, master Sagi. But now... I can again...
[He trails off suddenly. Now that his high has worn off a bit, he has enough presence of mind to concentrate on what he's seeing now. The shimmering shapes and colours are much fainter, after all... but even if he doesn't have the previous clarity, not much of it is needed to see the shape in front of him.]
... Oh.
[The word is quiet, horrified, and Hythlo almost takes a step back, staring at Sagi as though he suddenly turned into a monster.
Espurr waddles up to the tall man, puts its little paw on his leg, as far as it can reach, stares up at him. Then turns around and stares at Sagi this time - not trying to draw his attention, but examining him, like he's some sort of strange, unfamiliar thing. Despite the fact that this is a small, ridiculous-looking catlike creature, the effect is nonetheless disconcerting.]
[All of a sudden, they're looking at him. At him, not through him. Sagi receives enough stares lately that he's certain of it. He still turns around to look behind him, for lack of any other clue, but there's nothing there except the deserted, narrow street he walked out of.
He may have been a little premature, assuming this wasn't another episode like the last one. Or not, if the cat creature is in on it. A prank? He'd believe any number of possibilities, really. They aren't more than a short walk away from the cemetery tower, and while this world seems to play by its own rules up until it doesn't, he gets a not entirely comfortable vibe off of that place.]
What is it?
[But until someone presents the options to him, he legitimately doesn't know.]
[Hythlo has always enjoyed his gift, but right now he finds himself desperately wishing he hadn't regained it. Sagi is... but a child, his friend, bright and good and caring, and that makes the sight all the more horrifying. Like hypnotized, he follows the unnaturally crushed, bent lines, here and there curving in on themselves so much they form holes like those burrowed by worms in an overripe apple; here and there, frazzled and frayed like worn fabric, pathetic strands with nowhere to connect, yet moving, straining, like a million tiny hands reaching out blindly to grab at something, anything to make them whole. And in the middle of it all...
Like meat on an amateur butcher's slab, he thinks, lightheaded; perhaps precision is intended in the dressing of the carcass, the separation of tissue from the bone, but the hand holding the knife is inexpert and the result is ugly, uneven, a superimposition of a dead thing and a living creature.
He finally forces himself to look away, grateful at the back of his mind that he'd already thrown up, and places a hand over his mouth, trying to control his breathing.]
... Who did this to you?
[Sagi can probably rule out "prank": he sounds crushed, like he's about to cry again.]
[The word comes out flatter than simple incredulity or confusion would, then sinks like the feeling in the pit of Sagi's stomach. Him. He knew it. If it wasn't obvious enough, the Espurr is still staring at him.
There's still a chance that stress or something else has gotten to Hythlodaeus, that he and the cat are somehow sharing the same horrifying vision but nothing is really there. He should... check. Out of concern.
He hazards another step forward, inches from the vomit.]
[Hythlodaeus opens his mouth. Closes it. Opens it again, looking like he doesn't know where to begin or what to say. He's never shared with Sagi what his gift was, and how could he explain it now, when he's still shaken and Sagi is obviously unsettled?
He looks away, still trying to breathe deeply. No, he doesn't have it in himself to try and think up an explanation right now. He's tired and shocked and he feels like curling up into a ball and falling asleep for several eons.]
[The reaction tracks. Sagi averts his eyes the other way, fixing them on the ground off to his side. No such luck, then.]
Oh.
[Again, it comes out a little flat. Fear doesn't come easily to Sagi, and even then it tends to be for other people. In all honesty, fear isn't the word for the feeling creeping up on him right now, either. Fear lives in the unknown, in the worst case scenarios. There's nothing horrible lurking inside of him that hasn't already happened.
It's more... Imagine if he'd had the power to just see something like that. Imagine if everyone did. He wouldn't be awkwardly standing here today, he knows that much.]
Actually, no. I don't think that's exactly what you saw.
[With ever-growing horror Hythlo remembers the conversation they had back in the woods. He'd simply thought Sagi's words strange back then, perhaps a more poetic way of talking about the death of a loved one, but with the misshapen sight before his eyes he realizes what Sagi actually meant back then.]
... The one who has known death.
[He also realizes that he can't bring himself to look up at the boy again, a fact that fills him with burning shame. He knows he should, he has to, for his friend's sake, but here and now he is too much of a coward to confront it again. He would have thought even a... "clean", willing merging of souls to be unusual and somewhat unsettling, but the alien, dead yet obscenely 'alive' core of Sagi's being is more than he can take.]
The one I talked about. I did start wondering if he was still there.
[He finds himself touching a hand to his heart. It's not like he believes that's going to cover up... whatever Hythlodaeus sees. It definitely can't shield him from the viscerally sharp realisation that Hythlo is looking away on purpose. Watching a reaction like that is worse than just knowing, somehow. How much of a mess can he be, the one functional fake from that whole project, that someone who remembers all the trauma of dying can't stand to even perceive him? Or does knowing what death is supposed to look like, having something natural to compare him to, make him look worse?
No, fear isn't even close to the right word for the emotion rising in him now. It's something a lot more familiar. He didn't ask to get metaphysically chopped up as a kid. He doesn't even get to share any of the vision that rattled Hythlo so badly. He doesn't deserve this.
He knows how to tamp this one down. For now, it only manifests as a crease in the corner of his small, weak smile.]
It's not pretty, is it. I'm sorry for... upsetting you again.
[Something about Sagi's voice and the fact that he's apologizing to Hythlo, as if it could ever have been his fault, makes Hythlo feel like something snaps inside of him. What in creation does he have to be afraid of or disgusted by, when Sagi has to bear the brunt of it? "Inconsiderate" does not do his behaviour justice, and it's as though the shame he feels boils over, becomes something else.
He slowly looks up at Sagi again, an expression of grief that changes into one of grim determination. He moves, suddenly, striding towards Sagi--a few steps for someone his height, really--and when he's close enough he sinks to one knee and pulls the boy into a hug.]
... 'Tis I who should be apologizing.
[His voice is shaking, but his hold is protective, almost desperate, as though he's trying to retroactively shield Sagi from whatever that had happened to him.]
[Whatever Sagi had expected, it wasn't that. He doesn't have the presence of mind to pull away, nor do anything except register that it's happening. He simply freezes up, the same way his anger freezes at the touch. Not gone, but crystallised. Numb. Back under control.]
You're -
["- fine." Hearing his own voice catch in his throat, he stops; he's not going to convince anyone that way, even though it's true.
His eyes sting a little. Hmm. It's been a pretty long while since he last cried. Probably not since he was still short enough for his mom to hold him like this.
Halfway through reaching up to rub his eyes, he changes his mind. He pats Hythlodaeus softly on the side of his giant shoulder instead.]
[Hythlo chuckles at the patting, bitterly, breathlessly. How ironic is it for Sagi to be trying to comfort him? And while it is true that he feels shaken enough, it's ridiculous to put the responsibility on a child. He's supposed to be the adult here.
He half-ruffles, half-strokes Sagi's hair lightly, instead, hoping that the touch will help somehow, tell Sagi that he doesn't... have to bear it alone, that he has nothing to apologize for. He tries to speak, again, but something twists in his mind, reminding him of the last time he had to watch the young souls rend and fade.]
It is... I simply... You don't deserve this, little one...
[Despite his best attempts, he can't quite hide the tears in his voice and the tension in his body.]
[Sagi breathes out in an almost-laugh. Little in the sense that Hythlo's shoulder is all he can really reach, yeah. He doesn't lower his hand yet.]
I'm alive. I have someone to go home to when all's said and done. [Unlike Hythlo, from how it sounded.] I can't say you aren't making me curious about what it looks like... but you don't have to tell me. I'm already lucky.
[He could curse his lot in life like the others, or he could choose to see it this way. It's a choice, every time.]
Hythlo freezes, the words leaving a terrifyingly hollow feeling inside him. How could Sagi possibly see it as luck? He's not certain if the boy means he's lucky because he's managing to have a semblance of a normal life despite it all... or because he managed to find something good in it. He did speak of the... remnant within him as a friend.
He draws back, slightly, still half-holding Sagi. The sight... is still terrifying in its way, but this time it's more like horror at the idea that someone would do this to another person--Hythlo can't think of anything that would make it happen naturally, as it were... And even if it could, he has seen how parasites eat into their host, and there is a sort of--life quality to that, morbid and horrifying though it be. But this... he can see someone or something's hand behind this, in the mismatched joining of two souls below the places where they managed to merge. The thought fills his insides with acid.
He takes another shaky breath and gives Sagi a kind of tired, weak smile - it's the least he can do for his friend.]
... Then you are much stronger than I am, Sagi. I... I apologize.
[He looks down for a moment, then at Sagi again, the smile replaced with an expression of much deeper exhaustion--and something darker.]
... 'Tis not the sight of you, but the thought that... that such a thing would be done. That someone--
[His breath shudders, grows shallower, sharper as he tries to control it. His hands on Sagi's shoulders tense again, like he's trying not to let them curl into fists.]
[When Hythlo draws back a little, Sagi finally does wipe his eyes with the side of his glove. It was mostly the... closeness that got to him, he figures. He hadn't been prepared for it.]
Yeah. People turned me into this. That's what made me believe you. [When he asked "who", not "how".] But they're dead now, all of them. They can't hurt anyone else.
[This time he places his hand on top of Hythlo's. He's beginning to look tired too - he can't really smile through describing the actual thing, no matter how detached from it he feels. His own shoulder is easier to reach, at least.
[Hythlo almost goes to say that he can't not get mad about it... but pauses. Now that he's had time to calm down somewhat, he comes to realize that Sagi has the right of it: Hythlo's anger would only be hypocritical, pretentious; this burden is not his to bear without Sagi's permission, and it's disrespectful, almost voyeuristic to make him into a grand victim to feel sorry for--and even worse, push onto him Hythlo's own guilt for his involvement in the creation of Zodiark.
Put like that, wow, he's really making a mess of things.
So Hythlo only nods silently, and after a few moments gently lets go of Sagi's shoulders to take his hand into both of his. He stays silent still, unsure of what he can even say or do - normally words come easily to him, but not in a situation like this. All he knows is that he wants to somehow convey... what exactly? His desire to support his friend, perhaps, to give him space in which he can feel comfortable with himself. To let him know there is no shame in pain and grief and anger.
At least tension has left him, and his manner changes from that of someone torn between fury and misery to something calmer, more thoughtful. After a short while he looks up at Sagi, nods again and lets go of his hand to pull him into another hug if the boy lets him. It's... gentle, this time, without the earlier tension and desperation, kinder.
A little too late it occurs to Hythlo that perhaps kindness was the word he was looking for. Kindness is what Sagi deserves.]
[Sagi feels compelled to lean into the hug this time. He's hesitant, unpractised - slow to incline his head and push his weight forward, loose and tentative when he tries to wrap both arms under Hythlo's own, and his ghostly wings around Hythlo's sides.
(His wings - proof, lately, that there's no place he can really belong anywhere, no matter how far he's made to travel. But proof, too, of a heart.)
He closes his eyes, forgetting the alley and the city and the sea. Despite his clear awkwardness, he'll stay like this as long as they need. A choice, every time.]
[There's something strangely comforting about being shielded by Sagi's wings. Hythlo still has no idea what they are, apart from the fact that, well, only Sagi has them, and there never seemed to be a good time to ask. Besides, he's more perceptive than it may appear, and it didn't quite escape him how Sagi's smile would become a little strained whenever he noticed people staring at the wings for too long. If Sagi tells him, let it be on his own terms.
Hythlo squeezes his younger friend lightly in response to his hesitation and awkwardness, hoping that it will help get across that it's fine to have a hug. There's no shame in showing you care about each other, either.
He stays like that a while, just breathing quietly, letting his mind deal with things in ways that are completely unseen to Hythlo himself. But he comes to a kind of peace, and can only hope that Sagi does as well.
When it feels like he's starting to wake up from this strange, slightly otherworldly state, Hythlo pulls away gently and smiles at the boy.]
[Sagi's awkwardness doesn't evaporate when squeezed, but he doesn't resist. He opens his eyes, blinking, only when Hythlo lets go. Right. Back down to earth.
His relief at Hythlo's mood improving again shows in the slightly lopsided smile he manages to muster. He isn't sure what to say after all that, of course.]
You too.
[That'll do.
Moments pass. A light breeze carries the distant sound of rustling trash, reminding Sagi of the little cat creature. Taking a step back - a step back with just a touch more weight than necessary - he leans to one side and peers down the alleyway, around and past Hythlo's enormous frame. Is it still there?]
[Hythlo looks back over his shoulder as well, wondering what Sagi could be looking at - he got shaken enough that he all but forgot about the strange catlike thing that Sagi showed up with.
The Espurr... is flopped down, its stubby legs stretched out in front of it, staring at the wall of the alley. Looks like it tried to give them some privacy at least!
But as they look at it, Espurr slowly turns to stare at them instead. It stares for several moments. It stands up, still staring, and waddles over to the two of them. Standing between them, it puts one paw on Sagi's ankle, the other on Hythlo's shoe. What does it mean? Nobody knows.
Hythlo stares at the little thing. Leans closer, as though squinting through his mask. Leans back again.]
[Espurr bumps its head against Sagi's hand. Their meeting might have started out strange, what with its screaming, but it seems to be quite affectionate otherwise!
Hythlo, meanwhile, gently pokes at the thing's weird ears, earning a meep from the Pokemon.]
It is... very powerful, I think. Akin to a black hole...
[Gee, Hythlo, what a nice thing to say about someone's brain.]
Er... What happened? I was not in the state to... notice much, if aught at all.
[Putting it like that... he winces, runs a hand down his face. He really needs to learn to have breakdowns and deal with trauma on his own, like normal people.]
By all of creation, I really am sorry. It was... no, I do not think "rude" does it justice. But whatsoever one calls it, it was wrong of me to subject you to that, and I wish to apologize.
[At least he's actually in control this time, without lapsing into overdramatic self-pity. There's annoyance at himself in his voice, but so is the readiness to make up for his blunder.]
You don't have to, I mean it. When I found out, I reacted about the same.
[He doesn't mean to sound flippant so much as mildly self-deprecating. Once someone isn't actively breaking down in front of him, the whole afterling business reverts into just another of those facts of life. Sometimes he even stops thinking about it.
He fluffs the fur on the Espurr's head some more. It's very soft for something he found in a dumpster.]
I just found it on the street, acting like it wanted to lead me here. It might have picked up on... [He gestures vaguely with his other hand.] whatever it is that decides on a whim to give us back our things. Who knows.
[Hythlo might worry a bit otherwise, but it seems like Sagi's words are genuine, not faked to cheer him up. And it is probably best to concentrate on more... normal things. Like weird cats and powers being given back mysteriously.]
... Have you regained something as well? 'Tis the first time for me...
[He sighs, clearly apprehensive.]
Perhaps I ought to hope I do not get anything else back. The process was rather unpleasant.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2020-10-09 12:55 pm (UTC)[... He's unreasonably excited about it, and that does not really answer Sagi's question. Perhaps it WAS about having a face under his mask.
Espurr, meanwhile, is still at the corner: not hiding, just staring at Hythlo with those round, big eyes. And staring.]
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Date: 2020-10-09 02:15 pm (UTC)[If Sagi had any actual criticism of Hythlo's fashion sense, this might have explained a lot, but he doesn't. He turns his head when he notices the Espurr isn't following along any more, though. It's possible that, like him, it doesn't want to step in anything untoward... He can't exactly ask it how long it was stuck in that dumpster, after all.]
Oh yeah, this little guy... [He beckons to it. It's just his 8 foot tall friend, no need to be shy.] It was acting like it overheard you earlier and thought you were crying. Everything's good now, right?
[Is he asking Hythlo or the cat? Yes.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-09 02:49 pm (UTC)I could not see truly, master Sagi. But now... I can again...
[He trails off suddenly. Now that his high has worn off a bit, he has enough presence of mind to concentrate on what he's seeing now. The shimmering shapes and colours are much fainter, after all... but even if he doesn't have the previous clarity, not much of it is needed to see the shape in front of him.]
... Oh.
[The word is quiet, horrified, and Hythlo almost takes a step back, staring at Sagi as though he suddenly turned into a monster.
Espurr waddles up to the tall man, puts its little paw on his leg, as far as it can reach, stares up at him. Then turns around and stares at Sagi this time - not trying to draw his attention, but examining him, like he's some sort of strange, unfamiliar thing. Despite the fact that this is a small, ridiculous-looking catlike creature, the effect is nonetheless disconcerting.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-09 03:12 pm (UTC)[All of a sudden, they're looking at him. At him, not through him. Sagi receives enough stares lately that he's certain of it. He still turns around to look behind him, for lack of any other clue, but there's nothing there except the deserted, narrow street he walked out of.
He may have been a little premature, assuming this wasn't another episode like the last one. Or not, if the cat creature is in on it. A prank? He'd believe any number of possibilities, really. They aren't more than a short walk away from the cemetery tower, and while this world seems to play by its own rules up until it doesn't, he gets a not entirely comfortable vibe off of that place.]
What is it?
[But until someone presents the options to him, he legitimately doesn't know.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-09 03:51 pm (UTC)Like meat on an amateur butcher's slab, he thinks, lightheaded; perhaps precision is intended in the dressing of the carcass, the separation of tissue from the bone, but the hand holding the knife is inexpert and the result is ugly, uneven, a superimposition of a dead thing and a living creature.
He finally forces himself to look away, grateful at the back of his mind that he'd already thrown up, and places a hand over his mouth, trying to control his breathing.]
... Who did this to you?
[Sagi can probably rule out "prank": he sounds crushed, like he's about to cry again.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-09 04:33 pm (UTC)[The word comes out flatter than simple incredulity or confusion would, then sinks like the feeling in the pit of Sagi's stomach. Him. He knew it. If it wasn't obvious enough, the Espurr is still staring at him.
There's still a chance that stress or something else has gotten to Hythlodaeus, that he and the cat are somehow sharing the same horrifying vision but nothing is really there. He should... check. Out of concern.
He hazards another step forward, inches from the vomit.]
What about me? What did you see?
no subject
Date: 2020-10-09 04:48 pm (UTC)He looks away, still trying to breathe deeply. No, he doesn't have it in himself to try and think up an explanation right now. He's tired and shocked and he feels like curling up into a ball and falling asleep for several eons.]
... Your soul, Sagi.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-09 05:27 pm (UTC)Oh.
[Again, it comes out a little flat. Fear doesn't come easily to Sagi, and even then it tends to be for other people. In all honesty, fear isn't the word for the feeling creeping up on him right now, either. Fear lives in the unknown, in the worst case scenarios. There's nothing horrible lurking inside of him that hasn't already happened.
It's more... Imagine if he'd had the power to just see something like that. Imagine if everyone did. He wouldn't be awkwardly standing here today, he knows that much.]
Actually, no. I don't think that's exactly what you saw.
[Deep breath. In, out.]
I think you saw my friend.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-10 12:57 pm (UTC)[With ever-growing horror Hythlo remembers the conversation they had back in the woods. He'd simply thought Sagi's words strange back then, perhaps a more poetic way of talking about the death of a loved one, but with the misshapen sight before his eyes he realizes what Sagi actually meant back then.]
... The one who has known death.
[He also realizes that he can't bring himself to look up at the boy again, a fact that fills him with burning shame. He knows he should, he has to, for his friend's sake, but here and now he is too much of a coward to confront it again. He would have thought even a... "clean", willing merging of souls to be unusual and somewhat unsettling, but the alien, dead yet obscenely 'alive' core of Sagi's being is more than he can take.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-10 02:33 pm (UTC)[He finds himself touching a hand to his heart. It's not like he believes that's going to cover up... whatever Hythlodaeus sees. It definitely can't shield him from the viscerally sharp realisation that Hythlo is looking away on purpose. Watching a reaction like that is worse than just knowing, somehow. How much of a mess can he be, the one functional fake from that whole project, that someone who remembers all the trauma of dying can't stand to even perceive him? Or does knowing what death is supposed to look like, having something natural to compare him to, make him look worse?
No, fear isn't even close to the right word for the emotion rising in him now. It's something a lot more familiar. He didn't ask to get metaphysically chopped up as a kid. He doesn't even get to share any of the vision that rattled Hythlo so badly. He doesn't deserve this.
He knows how to tamp this one down. For now, it only manifests as a crease in the corner of his small, weak smile.]
It's not pretty, is it. I'm sorry for... upsetting you again.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-10 02:54 pm (UTC)He slowly looks up at Sagi again, an expression of grief that changes into one of grim determination. He moves, suddenly, striding towards Sagi--a few steps for someone his height, really--and when he's close enough he sinks to one knee and pulls the boy into a hug.]
... 'Tis I who should be apologizing.
[His voice is shaking, but his hold is protective, almost desperate, as though he's trying to retroactively shield Sagi from whatever that had happened to him.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-10 08:22 pm (UTC)You're -
["- fine." Hearing his own voice catch in his throat, he stops; he's not going to convince anyone that way, even though it's true.
His eyes sting a little. Hmm. It's been a pretty long while since he last cried. Probably not since he was still short enough for his mom to hold him like this.
Halfway through reaching up to rub his eyes, he changes his mind. He pats Hythlodaeus softly on the side of his giant shoulder instead.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-11 06:21 am (UTC)He half-ruffles, half-strokes Sagi's hair lightly, instead, hoping that the touch will help somehow, tell Sagi that he doesn't... have to bear it alone, that he has nothing to apologize for. He tries to speak, again, but something twists in his mind, reminding him of the last time he had to watch the young souls rend and fade.]
It is... I simply... You don't deserve this, little one...
[Despite his best attempts, he can't quite hide the tears in his voice and the tension in his body.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-11 07:30 am (UTC)I'm alive. I have someone to go home to when all's said and done. [Unlike Hythlo, from how it sounded.] I can't say you aren't making me curious about what it looks like... but you don't have to tell me. I'm already lucky.
[He could curse his lot in life like the others, or he could choose to see it this way. It's a choice, every time.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-11 08:01 am (UTC)Hythlo freezes, the words leaving a terrifyingly hollow feeling inside him. How could Sagi possibly see it as luck? He's not certain if the boy means he's lucky because he's managing to have a semblance of a normal life despite it all... or because he managed to find something good in it. He did speak of the... remnant within him as a friend.
He draws back, slightly, still half-holding Sagi. The sight... is still terrifying in its way, but this time it's more like horror at the idea that someone would do this to another person--Hythlo can't think of anything that would make it happen naturally, as it were... And even if it could, he has seen how parasites eat into their host, and there is a sort of--life quality to that, morbid and horrifying though it be. But this... he can see someone or something's hand behind this, in the mismatched joining of two souls below the places where they managed to merge. The thought fills his insides with acid.
He takes another shaky breath and gives Sagi a kind of tired, weak smile - it's the least he can do for his friend.]
... Then you are much stronger than I am, Sagi. I... I apologize.
[He looks down for a moment, then at Sagi again, the smile replaced with an expression of much deeper exhaustion--and something darker.]
... 'Tis not the sight of you, but the thought that... that such a thing would be done. That someone--
[His breath shudders, grows shallower, sharper as he tries to control it. His hands on Sagi's shoulders tense again, like he's trying not to let them curl into fists.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-11 08:54 am (UTC)Yeah. People turned me into this. That's what made me believe you. [When he asked "who", not "how".] But they're dead now, all of them. They can't hurt anyone else.
[This time he places his hand on top of Hythlo's. He's beginning to look tired too - he can't really smile through describing the actual thing, no matter how detached from it he feels. His own shoulder is easier to reach, at least.
(A normal, human shoulder.)]
So just... don't get angry on my behalf. Please.
me, typing this: hythlo you dumbfuck you did literally the opposite of these things
Date: 2020-10-11 09:55 am (UTC)Put like that, wow, he's really making a mess of things.
So Hythlo only nods silently, and after a few moments gently lets go of Sagi's shoulders to take his hand into both of his. He stays silent still, unsure of what he can even say or do - normally words come easily to him, but not in a situation like this. All he knows is that he wants to somehow convey... what exactly? His desire to support his friend, perhaps, to give him space in which he can feel comfortable with himself. To let him know there is no shame in pain and grief and anger.
At least tension has left him, and his manner changes from that of someone torn between fury and misery to something calmer, more thoughtful. After a short while he looks up at Sagi, nods again and lets go of his hand to pull him into another hug if the boy lets him. It's... gentle, this time, without the earlier tension and desperation, kinder.
A little too late it occurs to Hythlo that perhaps kindness was the word he was looking for. Kindness is what Sagi deserves.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-11 11:05 am (UTC)(His wings - proof, lately, that there's no place he can really belong anywhere, no matter how far he's made to travel. But proof, too, of a heart.)
He closes his eyes, forgetting the alley and the city and the sea. Despite his clear awkwardness, he'll stay like this as long as they need. A choice, every time.]
bird hugs, which are for birds
Date: 2020-10-11 02:06 pm (UTC)Hythlo squeezes his younger friend lightly in response to his hesitation and awkwardness, hoping that it will help get across that it's fine to have a hug. There's no shame in showing you care about each other, either.
He stays like that a while, just breathing quietly, letting his mind deal with things in ways that are completely unseen to Hythlo himself. But he comes to a kind of peace, and can only hope that Sagi does as well.
When it feels like he's starting to wake up from this strange, slightly otherworldly state, Hythlo pulls away gently and smiles at the boy.]
... Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-11 02:34 pm (UTC)His relief at Hythlo's mood improving again shows in the slightly lopsided smile he manages to muster. He isn't sure what to say after all that, of course.]
You too.
[That'll do.
Moments pass. A light breeze carries the distant sound of rustling trash, reminding Sagi of the little cat creature. Taking a step back - a step back with just a touch more weight than necessary - he leans to one side and peers down the alleyway, around and past Hythlo's enormous frame. Is it still there?]
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Date: 2020-10-11 02:54 pm (UTC)The Espurr... is flopped down, its stubby legs stretched out in front of it, staring at the wall of the alley. Looks like it tried to give them some privacy at least!
But as they look at it, Espurr slowly turns to stare at them instead. It stares for several moments. It stands up, still staring, and waddles over to the two of them. Standing between them, it puts one paw on Sagi's ankle, the other on Hythlo's shoe. What does it mean? Nobody knows.
Hythlo stares at the little thing. Leans closer, as though squinting through his mask. Leans back again.]
... I've no idea what I am looking at, here.
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Date: 2020-10-11 03:21 pm (UTC)[He kneels down to try and pet it anyway, since it's standing so close. It comes a lot more easily to him than hugs.]
But I think it really was worried for you.
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Date: 2020-10-11 03:33 pm (UTC)Hythlo, meanwhile, gently pokes at the thing's weird ears, earning a meep from the Pokemon.]
It is... very powerful, I think. Akin to a black hole...
[Gee, Hythlo, what a nice thing to say about someone's brain.]
Er... What happened? I was not in the state to... notice much, if aught at all.
[Putting it like that... he winces, runs a hand down his face. He really needs to learn to have breakdowns and deal with trauma on his own, like normal people.]
By all of creation, I really am sorry. It was... no, I do not think "rude" does it justice. But whatsoever one calls it, it was wrong of me to subject you to that, and I wish to apologize.
[At least he's actually in control this time, without lapsing into overdramatic self-pity. There's annoyance at himself in his voice, but so is the readiness to make up for his blunder.]
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Date: 2020-10-11 06:20 pm (UTC)[He doesn't mean to sound flippant so much as mildly self-deprecating. Once someone isn't actively breaking down in front of him, the whole afterling business reverts into just another of those facts of life. Sometimes he even stops thinking about it.
He fluffs the fur on the Espurr's head some more. It's very soft for something he found in a dumpster.]
I just found it on the street, acting like it wanted to lead me here. It might have picked up on... [He gestures vaguely with his other hand.] whatever it is that decides on a whim to give us back our things. Who knows.
[Like people, sometimes animals are just weird.]
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Date: 2020-10-12 12:40 am (UTC)... Have you regained something as well? 'Tis the first time for me...
[He sighs, clearly apprehensive.]
Perhaps I ought to hope I do not get anything else back. The process was rather unpleasant.
[Espurr... purrs under Sagi's hand. Gib pets.]
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