[Whatever Sagi had expected, it wasn't that. He doesn't have the presence of mind to pull away, nor do anything except register that it's happening. He simply freezes up, the same way his anger freezes at the touch. Not gone, but crystallised. Numb. Back under control.]
You're -
["- fine." Hearing his own voice catch in his throat, he stops; he's not going to convince anyone that way, even though it's true.
His eyes sting a little. Hmm. It's been a pretty long while since he last cried. Probably not since he was still short enough for his mom to hold him like this.
Halfway through reaching up to rub his eyes, he changes his mind. He pats Hythlodaeus softly on the side of his giant shoulder instead.]
[Hythlo chuckles at the patting, bitterly, breathlessly. How ironic is it for Sagi to be trying to comfort him? And while it is true that he feels shaken enough, it's ridiculous to put the responsibility on a child. He's supposed to be the adult here.
He half-ruffles, half-strokes Sagi's hair lightly, instead, hoping that the touch will help somehow, tell Sagi that he doesn't... have to bear it alone, that he has nothing to apologize for. He tries to speak, again, but something twists in his mind, reminding him of the last time he had to watch the young souls rend and fade.]
It is... I simply... You don't deserve this, little one...
[Despite his best attempts, he can't quite hide the tears in his voice and the tension in his body.]
[Sagi breathes out in an almost-laugh. Little in the sense that Hythlo's shoulder is all he can really reach, yeah. He doesn't lower his hand yet.]
I'm alive. I have someone to go home to when all's said and done. [Unlike Hythlo, from how it sounded.] I can't say you aren't making me curious about what it looks like... but you don't have to tell me. I'm already lucky.
[He could curse his lot in life like the others, or he could choose to see it this way. It's a choice, every time.]
Hythlo freezes, the words leaving a terrifyingly hollow feeling inside him. How could Sagi possibly see it as luck? He's not certain if the boy means he's lucky because he's managing to have a semblance of a normal life despite it all... or because he managed to find something good in it. He did speak of the... remnant within him as a friend.
He draws back, slightly, still half-holding Sagi. The sight... is still terrifying in its way, but this time it's more like horror at the idea that someone would do this to another person--Hythlo can't think of anything that would make it happen naturally, as it were... And even if it could, he has seen how parasites eat into their host, and there is a sort of--life quality to that, morbid and horrifying though it be. But this... he can see someone or something's hand behind this, in the mismatched joining of two souls below the places where they managed to merge. The thought fills his insides with acid.
He takes another shaky breath and gives Sagi a kind of tired, weak smile - it's the least he can do for his friend.]
... Then you are much stronger than I am, Sagi. I... I apologize.
[He looks down for a moment, then at Sagi again, the smile replaced with an expression of much deeper exhaustion--and something darker.]
... 'Tis not the sight of you, but the thought that... that such a thing would be done. That someone--
[His breath shudders, grows shallower, sharper as he tries to control it. His hands on Sagi's shoulders tense again, like he's trying not to let them curl into fists.]
[When Hythlo draws back a little, Sagi finally does wipe his eyes with the side of his glove. It was mostly the... closeness that got to him, he figures. He hadn't been prepared for it.]
Yeah. People turned me into this. That's what made me believe you. [When he asked "who", not "how".] But they're dead now, all of them. They can't hurt anyone else.
[This time he places his hand on top of Hythlo's. He's beginning to look tired too - he can't really smile through describing the actual thing, no matter how detached from it he feels. His own shoulder is easier to reach, at least.
[Hythlo almost goes to say that he can't not get mad about it... but pauses. Now that he's had time to calm down somewhat, he comes to realize that Sagi has the right of it: Hythlo's anger would only be hypocritical, pretentious; this burden is not his to bear without Sagi's permission, and it's disrespectful, almost voyeuristic to make him into a grand victim to feel sorry for--and even worse, push onto him Hythlo's own guilt for his involvement in the creation of Zodiark.
Put like that, wow, he's really making a mess of things.
So Hythlo only nods silently, and after a few moments gently lets go of Sagi's shoulders to take his hand into both of his. He stays silent still, unsure of what he can even say or do - normally words come easily to him, but not in a situation like this. All he knows is that he wants to somehow convey... what exactly? His desire to support his friend, perhaps, to give him space in which he can feel comfortable with himself. To let him know there is no shame in pain and grief and anger.
At least tension has left him, and his manner changes from that of someone torn between fury and misery to something calmer, more thoughtful. After a short while he looks up at Sagi, nods again and lets go of his hand to pull him into another hug if the boy lets him. It's... gentle, this time, without the earlier tension and desperation, kinder.
A little too late it occurs to Hythlo that perhaps kindness was the word he was looking for. Kindness is what Sagi deserves.]
[Sagi feels compelled to lean into the hug this time. He's hesitant, unpractised - slow to incline his head and push his weight forward, loose and tentative when he tries to wrap both arms under Hythlo's own, and his ghostly wings around Hythlo's sides.
(His wings - proof, lately, that there's no place he can really belong anywhere, no matter how far he's made to travel. But proof, too, of a heart.)
He closes his eyes, forgetting the alley and the city and the sea. Despite his clear awkwardness, he'll stay like this as long as they need. A choice, every time.]
[There's something strangely comforting about being shielded by Sagi's wings. Hythlo still has no idea what they are, apart from the fact that, well, only Sagi has them, and there never seemed to be a good time to ask. Besides, he's more perceptive than it may appear, and it didn't quite escape him how Sagi's smile would become a little strained whenever he noticed people staring at the wings for too long. If Sagi tells him, let it be on his own terms.
Hythlo squeezes his younger friend lightly in response to his hesitation and awkwardness, hoping that it will help get across that it's fine to have a hug. There's no shame in showing you care about each other, either.
He stays like that a while, just breathing quietly, letting his mind deal with things in ways that are completely unseen to Hythlo himself. But he comes to a kind of peace, and can only hope that Sagi does as well.
When it feels like he's starting to wake up from this strange, slightly otherworldly state, Hythlo pulls away gently and smiles at the boy.]
[Sagi's awkwardness doesn't evaporate when squeezed, but he doesn't resist. He opens his eyes, blinking, only when Hythlo lets go. Right. Back down to earth.
His relief at Hythlo's mood improving again shows in the slightly lopsided smile he manages to muster. He isn't sure what to say after all that, of course.]
You too.
[That'll do.
Moments pass. A light breeze carries the distant sound of rustling trash, reminding Sagi of the little cat creature. Taking a step back - a step back with just a touch more weight than necessary - he leans to one side and peers down the alleyway, around and past Hythlo's enormous frame. Is it still there?]
[Hythlo looks back over his shoulder as well, wondering what Sagi could be looking at - he got shaken enough that he all but forgot about the strange catlike thing that Sagi showed up with.
The Espurr... is flopped down, its stubby legs stretched out in front of it, staring at the wall of the alley. Looks like it tried to give them some privacy at least!
But as they look at it, Espurr slowly turns to stare at them instead. It stares for several moments. It stands up, still staring, and waddles over to the two of them. Standing between them, it puts one paw on Sagi's ankle, the other on Hythlo's shoe. What does it mean? Nobody knows.
Hythlo stares at the little thing. Leans closer, as though squinting through his mask. Leans back again.]
[Espurr bumps its head against Sagi's hand. Their meeting might have started out strange, what with its screaming, but it seems to be quite affectionate otherwise!
Hythlo, meanwhile, gently pokes at the thing's weird ears, earning a meep from the Pokemon.]
It is... very powerful, I think. Akin to a black hole...
[Gee, Hythlo, what a nice thing to say about someone's brain.]
Er... What happened? I was not in the state to... notice much, if aught at all.
[Putting it like that... he winces, runs a hand down his face. He really needs to learn to have breakdowns and deal with trauma on his own, like normal people.]
By all of creation, I really am sorry. It was... no, I do not think "rude" does it justice. But whatsoever one calls it, it was wrong of me to subject you to that, and I wish to apologize.
[At least he's actually in control this time, without lapsing into overdramatic self-pity. There's annoyance at himself in his voice, but so is the readiness to make up for his blunder.]
You don't have to, I mean it. When I found out, I reacted about the same.
[He doesn't mean to sound flippant so much as mildly self-deprecating. Once someone isn't actively breaking down in front of him, the whole afterling business reverts into just another of those facts of life. Sometimes he even stops thinking about it.
He fluffs the fur on the Espurr's head some more. It's very soft for something he found in a dumpster.]
I just found it on the street, acting like it wanted to lead me here. It might have picked up on... [He gestures vaguely with his other hand.] whatever it is that decides on a whim to give us back our things. Who knows.
[Hythlo might worry a bit otherwise, but it seems like Sagi's words are genuine, not faked to cheer him up. And it is probably best to concentrate on more... normal things. Like weird cats and powers being given back mysteriously.]
... Have you regained something as well? 'Tis the first time for me...
[He sighs, clearly apprehensive.]
Perhaps I ought to hope I do not get anything else back. The process was rather unpleasant.
When we all first arrived, I couldn't use my wings like normal. Then a few days later, I woke up and they were fine again. Honestly, I thought it was stress. [He doesn't realise that part might not be self-explanatory.] It just turned into a pattern with other people later.
[He keeps petting the Espurr while he thinks on it for a moment. He could use the change of topic, too.]
What if it hit you worse because there's more of you to hit?
[...He doesn't sound or look like he's joking. He isn't joking. He is slightly worried by the thought.]
[The Espurr tilts its head up, purring louder... but not closing its eyes, just kind of staring upwards. This is a really weird cat.
Hythlo opens his mouth again to say that surely, there are normal people within their group--but then he thinks back on those he's actually met. Rhel, Hien, Sagi... Hythlo himself...]
I think... master Atsushi and Toki are not very different from people here, are they?
[He shakes his head, then thoughtfully pats his own arm.]
Perhaps 'tis not so much my stature as the... composition of my being. It may be different from others... but I've no way to check.
[Sagi is hesitant to bring that up again, since it really does feel pushy. That said, he's more invested in what Hythlo's "sight" means than he is the idea of Toki being normal in any context, anywhere.]
[Hythlo shakes his head, a little embarrassed, but on his side it comes from the fact that Sagi probably does not want to hear more about it, and yet Hythlo managed to bring it up.]
Ah, not as such. Only bits and pieces! 'Tis like how someone cannot see themselves in full without a mirror, and... I doubt anything like that could exist in this world. A mirror that could manifest souls, I mean to say.
[Espurr, meanwhile, leans back so much that it flops over and onto Hythlo's shoe, but does not seem dispirited in the least: it stands up, climbs onto the shoe and then seeks further ascension possibilities in form of his knees, sleeves, and eventually shoulder. Hythlo only watches it, bemused, and tries not to move too much until the cat completes its scaling of Mount Hythlo and manages to perch on his head.]
[There's a chance that the little cat will drop away from Sagi's hand and then derail that train of thought by being incredibly cute, yes. He can't complain. His smile is brighter for watching it.]
[Hythlo rubs his face. It feels like a lifetime ago.]
Yes... Before it happened. A child came up to me, and... told me that if I change my perception, reality changes as well... And after he walked away, I got hit with that... thing. The process before regaining my powers.
[He gestures helplessly. This is not the most eloquent speech he's ever given, but look, he's freaking out a little thinking about what the hell that toddler might have been.]
[See, this sounds more like a prank or coincidence. Sagi still isn't going to rule it out as totally unrelated to legendary Pokemon and whatnot; they just don't know enough about them. Maybe some of them can disguise themselves.]
For me, when my wings stopped feeling weak, it was basically overnight. I assumed it was the same for everyone... But we aren't that tight-knit of a group, I suppose. Could be worth asking whether it's happened to anyone else.
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no subject
Date: 2020-10-10 08:22 pm (UTC)You're -
["- fine." Hearing his own voice catch in his throat, he stops; he's not going to convince anyone that way, even though it's true.
His eyes sting a little. Hmm. It's been a pretty long while since he last cried. Probably not since he was still short enough for his mom to hold him like this.
Halfway through reaching up to rub his eyes, he changes his mind. He pats Hythlodaeus softly on the side of his giant shoulder instead.]
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Date: 2020-10-11 06:21 am (UTC)He half-ruffles, half-strokes Sagi's hair lightly, instead, hoping that the touch will help somehow, tell Sagi that he doesn't... have to bear it alone, that he has nothing to apologize for. He tries to speak, again, but something twists in his mind, reminding him of the last time he had to watch the young souls rend and fade.]
It is... I simply... You don't deserve this, little one...
[Despite his best attempts, he can't quite hide the tears in his voice and the tension in his body.]
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Date: 2020-10-11 07:30 am (UTC)I'm alive. I have someone to go home to when all's said and done. [Unlike Hythlo, from how it sounded.] I can't say you aren't making me curious about what it looks like... but you don't have to tell me. I'm already lucky.
[He could curse his lot in life like the others, or he could choose to see it this way. It's a choice, every time.]
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Date: 2020-10-11 08:01 am (UTC)Hythlo freezes, the words leaving a terrifyingly hollow feeling inside him. How could Sagi possibly see it as luck? He's not certain if the boy means he's lucky because he's managing to have a semblance of a normal life despite it all... or because he managed to find something good in it. He did speak of the... remnant within him as a friend.
He draws back, slightly, still half-holding Sagi. The sight... is still terrifying in its way, but this time it's more like horror at the idea that someone would do this to another person--Hythlo can't think of anything that would make it happen naturally, as it were... And even if it could, he has seen how parasites eat into their host, and there is a sort of--life quality to that, morbid and horrifying though it be. But this... he can see someone or something's hand behind this, in the mismatched joining of two souls below the places where they managed to merge. The thought fills his insides with acid.
He takes another shaky breath and gives Sagi a kind of tired, weak smile - it's the least he can do for his friend.]
... Then you are much stronger than I am, Sagi. I... I apologize.
[He looks down for a moment, then at Sagi again, the smile replaced with an expression of much deeper exhaustion--and something darker.]
... 'Tis not the sight of you, but the thought that... that such a thing would be done. That someone--
[His breath shudders, grows shallower, sharper as he tries to control it. His hands on Sagi's shoulders tense again, like he's trying not to let them curl into fists.]
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Date: 2020-10-11 08:54 am (UTC)Yeah. People turned me into this. That's what made me believe you. [When he asked "who", not "how".] But they're dead now, all of them. They can't hurt anyone else.
[This time he places his hand on top of Hythlo's. He's beginning to look tired too - he can't really smile through describing the actual thing, no matter how detached from it he feels. His own shoulder is easier to reach, at least.
(A normal, human shoulder.)]
So just... don't get angry on my behalf. Please.
me, typing this: hythlo you dumbfuck you did literally the opposite of these things
Date: 2020-10-11 09:55 am (UTC)Put like that, wow, he's really making a mess of things.
So Hythlo only nods silently, and after a few moments gently lets go of Sagi's shoulders to take his hand into both of his. He stays silent still, unsure of what he can even say or do - normally words come easily to him, but not in a situation like this. All he knows is that he wants to somehow convey... what exactly? His desire to support his friend, perhaps, to give him space in which he can feel comfortable with himself. To let him know there is no shame in pain and grief and anger.
At least tension has left him, and his manner changes from that of someone torn between fury and misery to something calmer, more thoughtful. After a short while he looks up at Sagi, nods again and lets go of his hand to pull him into another hug if the boy lets him. It's... gentle, this time, without the earlier tension and desperation, kinder.
A little too late it occurs to Hythlo that perhaps kindness was the word he was looking for. Kindness is what Sagi deserves.]
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Date: 2020-10-11 11:05 am (UTC)(His wings - proof, lately, that there's no place he can really belong anywhere, no matter how far he's made to travel. But proof, too, of a heart.)
He closes his eyes, forgetting the alley and the city and the sea. Despite his clear awkwardness, he'll stay like this as long as they need. A choice, every time.]
bird hugs, which are for birds
Date: 2020-10-11 02:06 pm (UTC)Hythlo squeezes his younger friend lightly in response to his hesitation and awkwardness, hoping that it will help get across that it's fine to have a hug. There's no shame in showing you care about each other, either.
He stays like that a while, just breathing quietly, letting his mind deal with things in ways that are completely unseen to Hythlo himself. But he comes to a kind of peace, and can only hope that Sagi does as well.
When it feels like he's starting to wake up from this strange, slightly otherworldly state, Hythlo pulls away gently and smiles at the boy.]
... Thank you.
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Date: 2020-10-11 02:34 pm (UTC)His relief at Hythlo's mood improving again shows in the slightly lopsided smile he manages to muster. He isn't sure what to say after all that, of course.]
You too.
[That'll do.
Moments pass. A light breeze carries the distant sound of rustling trash, reminding Sagi of the little cat creature. Taking a step back - a step back with just a touch more weight than necessary - he leans to one side and peers down the alleyway, around and past Hythlo's enormous frame. Is it still there?]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-11 02:54 pm (UTC)The Espurr... is flopped down, its stubby legs stretched out in front of it, staring at the wall of the alley. Looks like it tried to give them some privacy at least!
But as they look at it, Espurr slowly turns to stare at them instead. It stares for several moments. It stands up, still staring, and waddles over to the two of them. Standing between them, it puts one paw on Sagi's ankle, the other on Hythlo's shoe. What does it mean? Nobody knows.
Hythlo stares at the little thing. Leans closer, as though squinting through his mask. Leans back again.]
... I've no idea what I am looking at, here.
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Date: 2020-10-11 03:21 pm (UTC)[He kneels down to try and pet it anyway, since it's standing so close. It comes a lot more easily to him than hugs.]
But I think it really was worried for you.
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Date: 2020-10-11 03:33 pm (UTC)Hythlo, meanwhile, gently pokes at the thing's weird ears, earning a meep from the Pokemon.]
It is... very powerful, I think. Akin to a black hole...
[Gee, Hythlo, what a nice thing to say about someone's brain.]
Er... What happened? I was not in the state to... notice much, if aught at all.
[Putting it like that... he winces, runs a hand down his face. He really needs to learn to have breakdowns and deal with trauma on his own, like normal people.]
By all of creation, I really am sorry. It was... no, I do not think "rude" does it justice. But whatsoever one calls it, it was wrong of me to subject you to that, and I wish to apologize.
[At least he's actually in control this time, without lapsing into overdramatic self-pity. There's annoyance at himself in his voice, but so is the readiness to make up for his blunder.]
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Date: 2020-10-11 06:20 pm (UTC)[He doesn't mean to sound flippant so much as mildly self-deprecating. Once someone isn't actively breaking down in front of him, the whole afterling business reverts into just another of those facts of life. Sometimes he even stops thinking about it.
He fluffs the fur on the Espurr's head some more. It's very soft for something he found in a dumpster.]
I just found it on the street, acting like it wanted to lead me here. It might have picked up on... [He gestures vaguely with his other hand.] whatever it is that decides on a whim to give us back our things. Who knows.
[Like people, sometimes animals are just weird.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-12 12:40 am (UTC)... Have you regained something as well? 'Tis the first time for me...
[He sighs, clearly apprehensive.]
Perhaps I ought to hope I do not get anything else back. The process was rather unpleasant.
[Espurr... purrs under Sagi's hand. Gib pets.]
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Date: 2020-10-12 06:20 am (UTC)[He keeps petting the Espurr while he thinks on it for a moment. He could use the change of topic, too.]
What if it hit you worse because there's more of you to hit?
[...He doesn't sound or look like he's joking. He isn't joking. He is slightly worried by the thought.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-12 06:43 am (UTC)Hythlo opens his mouth. Hythlo closes his mouth. Raises a finger, opens his mouth again. Closes it.]
... Do you think so? I suppose I am... somewhat different to others here...
[Espurr tilts its head, because now it needs pets in a different area. Otherwise, it might start getting bitey, because it's still a cat.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-12 07:00 am (UTC)[Under the chin? He'll try under the chin. Rock cats usually like that when they aren't just scared of people, he thinks.]
It might not be that. We don't have a lot to go on.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-12 07:07 am (UTC)Hythlo opens his mouth again to say that surely, there are normal people within their group--but then he thinks back on those he's actually met. Rhel, Hien, Sagi... Hythlo himself...]
I think... master Atsushi and Toki are not very different from people here, are they?
[He shakes his head, then thoughtfully pats his own arm.]
Perhaps 'tis not so much my stature as the... composition of my being. It may be different from others... but I've no way to check.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-12 07:24 am (UTC)[Sagi is hesitant to bring that up again, since it really does feel pushy. That said, he's more invested in what Hythlo's "sight" means than he is the idea of Toki being normal in any context, anywhere.]
very rude to toki
Date: 2020-10-12 07:41 am (UTC)Ah, not as such. Only bits and pieces! 'Tis like how someone cannot see themselves in full without a mirror, and... I doubt anything like that could exist in this world. A mirror that could manifest souls, I mean to say.
[Espurr, meanwhile, leans back so much that it flops over and onto Hythlo's shoe, but does not seem dispirited in the least: it stands up, climbs onto the shoe and then seeks further ascension possibilities in form of his knees, sleeves, and eventually shoulder. Hythlo only watches it, bemused, and tries not to move too much until the cat completes its scaling of Mount Hythlo and manages to perch on his head.]
Er... What a peculiar little fellow.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-12 07:58 am (UTC)[There's a chance that the little cat will drop away from Sagi's hand and then derail that train of thought by being incredibly cute, yes. He can't complain. His smile is brighter for watching it.]
Aw, it likes you.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-12 08:25 am (UTC)I rather like him too. I've no idea why he would pick me, though. You said he led you to me?
[He suddenly freezes, as though something occurs to him.]
... There was a child.
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Date: 2020-10-12 08:28 am (UTC)A child? Other than this guy?
[Curiouser and curiouser.]
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Date: 2020-10-12 08:41 am (UTC)Yes... Before it happened. A child came up to me, and... told me that if I change my perception, reality changes as well... And after he walked away, I got hit with that... thing. The process before regaining my powers.
[He gestures helplessly. This is not the most eloquent speech he's ever given, but look, he's freaking out a little thinking about what the hell that toddler might have been.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-12 09:05 am (UTC)For me, when my wings stopped feeling weak, it was basically overnight. I assumed it was the same for everyone... But we aren't that tight-knit of a group, I suppose. Could be worth asking whether it's happened to anyone else.
[Wings again.]
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