[You are greeted with the sound of randomly disrupted static, at the end of which three melodic beeping signals are heard. Yep, that's your cue to leave a message!]
[He pulls back a little more, expression more determined.]
... I know. But your skills are not what you are. That's what makes the difference. I had thought that you have become those things you learned to act as, and that's why I couldn't... understand anything, nor figure out what I'm supposed to do.
[He shakes his head, this time with a somewhat wry smile.]
I think... It's the same trap I fell into with Absinthe. But just as... that part of him is only a part, and I don't think he is cruel by nature, merely shaped to be so by what he had to endure... I think it is the same for you. So--even if you have changed, and changed greatly, you are still Hades.
I imagine it is similar to why you don't consider yourself a changed version of Hythlodeaus. Dramatic events have changed us both. Your past has influenced you, but it is much more than that.
[There's a few moment of thoughtful silence from him, and then he answers.]
... I do, in fact. Slowly, I have been coming to think of myself more as Hythlodaeus.
[He sighs, as though he's about to admit something shameful.]
In the past week or so... I've taken to rewatching my memories. I do not feel brave enough to take new ones, and I could not stand being in the present for long... so I tried to lose myself in the past. It only made me feel all the more lonely and miserable, but there was something else that eventually came to me.
Right now, I may not be Hythlodaeus as he was back then... But he, too, did not stay unchanging forever. My friendship with you - with 'Hades' - changed me, even back then. As did becoming close with Azem. And I thought once again about what I told Cosmo soon after my arrival - that 'Levity' is simply Hythlodaeus without his memories. And about how you told me that I tried to become 'Hythlodaeus' too quickly, like he was a state for me to achieve. And after talking to Lily and Serenity and others... I came to realize that I am not a different version of Hythlodaeus. I am him and he is me.
[Except, well, he is a different version, but he'll metaphorically cross that bridge when he gets to it. Finding a way to stabilize his identity is hard enough already without adding nuance to it.]
... So that's why I say that you, too, are Hades. You are not how you were all those years ago, that is true. But at the same time... The man who became Emet-Selch instead of me was also not the boy I played with when we were children. But they were both Hades to me. And so you are, too.
[He is very proud. So proud in fact that he kisses the top of his head.]
I'm glad. That you found your answer. Had others to listen to. Listened to yourself. I only hope it come easier from here on out as you continue to discover yourself.
Levity smiles though, inclining his head into the kiss.]
I hope so too. But... if we did not speak today like this, I don't think I would have allowed myself to realize it. So... thank you. I feel like I can finally be with you again... my old friend.
I truly don't believe you haven't found at least one person on your unit to bully. But yes, I did agree to that. And my word I will not back down from.
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weenwoon
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-09-20 08:36 am (UTC)... I know. But your skills are not what you are. That's what makes the difference. I had thought that you have become those things you learned to act as, and that's why I couldn't... understand anything, nor figure out what I'm supposed to do.
[He shakes his head, this time with a somewhat wry smile.]
I think... It's the same trap I fell into with Absinthe. But just as... that part of him is only a part, and I don't think he is cruel by nature, merely shaped to be so by what he had to endure... I think it is the same for you. So--even if you have changed, and changed greatly, you are still Hades.
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-09-20 05:07 pm (UTC)Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-09-20 05:12 pm (UTC)Why do you think you are not?
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-09-21 07:04 am (UTC)Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-09-21 07:26 am (UTC)... I do, in fact. Slowly, I have been coming to think of myself more as Hythlodaeus.
[He sighs, as though he's about to admit something shameful.]
In the past week or so... I've taken to rewatching my memories. I do not feel brave enough to take new ones, and I could not stand being in the present for long... so I tried to lose myself in the past. It only made me feel all the more lonely and miserable, but there was something else that eventually came to me.
Right now, I may not be Hythlodaeus as he was back then... But he, too, did not stay unchanging forever. My friendship with you - with 'Hades' - changed me, even back then. As did becoming close with Azem. And I thought once again about what I told Cosmo soon after my arrival - that 'Levity' is simply Hythlodaeus without his memories. And about how you told me that I tried to become 'Hythlodaeus' too quickly, like he was a state for me to achieve. And after talking to Lily and Serenity and others... I came to realize that I am not a different version of Hythlodaeus. I am him and he is me.
[Except, well, he is a different version, but he'll metaphorically cross that bridge when he gets to it. Finding a way to stabilize his identity is hard enough already without adding nuance to it.]
... So that's why I say that you, too, are Hades. You are not how you were all those years ago, that is true. But at the same time... The man who became Emet-Selch instead of me was also not the boy I played with when we were children. But they were both Hades to me. And so you are, too.
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-09-21 07:40 am (UTC)[He listens, slowly and carefully, taking time to mull over the words before he speaks.]
And you have found comfort in that?
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-09-21 07:47 am (UTC)I have. Everything... makes a lot more sense like that.
[he's coping! aren't you proud of him!]
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-09-21 07:56 am (UTC)I'm glad. That you found your answer. Had others to listen to. Listened to yourself. I only hope it come easier from here on out as you continue to discover yourself.
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-09-21 08:03 am (UTC)Levity smiles though, inclining his head into the kiss.]
I hope so too. But... if we did not speak today like this, I don't think I would have allowed myself to realize it. So... thank you. I feel like I can finally be with you again... my old friend.
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-09-23 04:43 am (UTC)Give yourself some time, Levity. You need not solve the world's problems in a day.
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-09-23 05:01 am (UTC)[...]
But to solve any of them, I need to solve a problem a day, perhaps. But there are so many of them I never know where to start.
[He closes his eyes, resting his head against Emet's shoulder.]
I missed you.
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-09-23 05:14 am (UTC)I know, but it will be alright.
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-09-23 05:18 am (UTC)Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-09-30 05:42 am (UTC)[He's teasing.]
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-09-30 05:49 am (UTC)Well, this is one matter I don't want to prove you wrong on.
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-10-01 05:11 am (UTC)[He laughs as well and simply holds Levity against his side, resting his head against his.]
Relax. Let some of the worries go. We don't need all the answers right now.
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-10-01 05:27 am (UTC)Levity smiles, closing his eyes and finally letting himself relax. At last, he does feel like he... belongs, perhaps.]
Alright. I do hope we will find them eventually, but...
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-10-01 05:40 am (UTC)Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-10-01 06:01 am (UTC)[Instead of the mystery of "how do we solve the Final Days, preferably without selling our souls and/or brainwashing"]
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-10-01 06:59 am (UTC)[Time travel is his answer to that! Well except for the Zodiark piece. His a good shaped friend.]
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-10-01 07:03 am (UTC)Is that an attempt to dissuade me from spending my energies on you? Here I thought you'd volunteered to be bullied by me.
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-10-01 07:06 am (UTC)Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-10-01 07:12 am (UTC)Besides, haven't I got a lot of catching up to do with you?
Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-10-02 05:55 am (UTC)Re: Day 401
Date: 2021-10-02 06:34 am (UTC)Re: Day 401
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