[You are greeted with the sound of randomly disrupted static, at the end of which three melodic beeping signals are heard. Yep, that's your cue to leave a message!]
He holds onto him silently for a little while more, overwhelmed with everything he has to process... and then shakes his head, burrowing deeper into the hug.]
... No. You are Hades. You've changed, but... you're still you. You're not someone else.
[He breathes out shakily, finally starting to relax.]
I'm so glad...
[Taking another breath, he finally pulls back a little, wiping at his eyes.]
I could see the Hades from my memories in you, and sometimes it felt like everything was the same as it had been back then... But then you would act so differently, cold and calculating, and I could no longer tell what was or was not real. Even as my memories came back, they did not seem to match the reality, and it was terrifying to realize that regaining them would not make a difference for us. And you said that you would mislead or hide things from me, so I... I had no idea how to reconcile those different sides of you in my mind. But I think... I can now.
[There is so much conflict on his face. And the gut reaction is to agree. Tell Levity he is correct and leave it at that. It gives him such comfort, this conclusion he has come to. Why break that bubble?
But be vulnerable they said.]
Hythlodeaus... I do not wish to give you false hope or expectations. When I look upon your memories, when I look upon my memories, I see a person long gone. One to be remembered fondly.
I can be cold. I can be calculating. Countless times I have rationed death, turned nations against each other. Just because I do not revel in it, does not mean I will not use these skills if necessary. I will commit acts you find unsavory.
But just as I have changed up until this point, I will continue to grow from this point onward. Shackling myself to what I was will never end well.
[He pulls back a little more, expression more determined.]
... I know. But your skills are not what you are. That's what makes the difference. I had thought that you have become those things you learned to act as, and that's why I couldn't... understand anything, nor figure out what I'm supposed to do.
[He shakes his head, this time with a somewhat wry smile.]
I think... It's the same trap I fell into with Absinthe. But just as... that part of him is only a part, and I don't think he is cruel by nature, merely shaped to be so by what he had to endure... I think it is the same for you. So--even if you have changed, and changed greatly, you are still Hades.
I imagine it is similar to why you don't consider yourself a changed version of Hythlodeaus. Dramatic events have changed us both. Your past has influenced you, but it is much more than that.
[There's a few moment of thoughtful silence from him, and then he answers.]
... I do, in fact. Slowly, I have been coming to think of myself more as Hythlodaeus.
[He sighs, as though he's about to admit something shameful.]
In the past week or so... I've taken to rewatching my memories. I do not feel brave enough to take new ones, and I could not stand being in the present for long... so I tried to lose myself in the past. It only made me feel all the more lonely and miserable, but there was something else that eventually came to me.
Right now, I may not be Hythlodaeus as he was back then... But he, too, did not stay unchanging forever. My friendship with you - with 'Hades' - changed me, even back then. As did becoming close with Azem. And I thought once again about what I told Cosmo soon after my arrival - that 'Levity' is simply Hythlodaeus without his memories. And about how you told me that I tried to become 'Hythlodaeus' too quickly, like he was a state for me to achieve. And after talking to Lily and Serenity and others... I came to realize that I am not a different version of Hythlodaeus. I am him and he is me.
[Except, well, he is a different version, but he'll metaphorically cross that bridge when he gets to it. Finding a way to stabilize his identity is hard enough already without adding nuance to it.]
... So that's why I say that you, too, are Hades. You are not how you were all those years ago, that is true. But at the same time... The man who became Emet-Selch instead of me was also not the boy I played with when we were children. But they were both Hades to me. And so you are, too.
[He is very proud. So proud in fact that he kisses the top of his head.]
I'm glad. That you found your answer. Had others to listen to. Listened to yourself. I only hope it come easier from here on out as you continue to discover yourself.
Levity smiles though, inclining his head into the kiss.]
I hope so too. But... if we did not speak today like this, I don't think I would have allowed myself to realize it. So... thank you. I feel like I can finally be with you again... my old friend.
I truly don't believe you haven't found at least one person on your unit to bully. But yes, I did agree to that. And my word I will not back down from.
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Re: Day 401
He holds onto him silently for a little while more, overwhelmed with everything he has to process... and then shakes his head, burrowing deeper into the hug.]
... No. You are Hades. You've changed, but... you're still you. You're not someone else.
[He breathes out shakily, finally starting to relax.]
I'm so glad...
[Taking another breath, he finally pulls back a little, wiping at his eyes.]
I could see the Hades from my memories in you, and sometimes it felt like everything was the same as it had been back then... But then you would act so differently, cold and calculating, and I could no longer tell what was or was not real. Even as my memories came back, they did not seem to match the reality, and it was terrifying to realize that regaining them would not make a difference for us. And you said that you would mislead or hide things from me, so I... I had no idea how to reconcile those different sides of you in my mind. But I think... I can now.
Re: Day 401
But be vulnerable they said.]
Hythlodeaus... I do not wish to give you false hope or expectations. When I look upon your memories, when I look upon my memories, I see a person long gone. One to be remembered fondly.
I can be cold. I can be calculating. Countless times I have rationed death, turned nations against each other. Just because I do not revel in it, does not mean I will not use these skills if necessary. I will commit acts you find unsavory.
But just as I have changed up until this point, I will continue to grow from this point onward. Shackling myself to what I was will never end well.
Re: Day 401
... I know. But your skills are not what you are. That's what makes the difference. I had thought that you have become those things you learned to act as, and that's why I couldn't... understand anything, nor figure out what I'm supposed to do.
[He shakes his head, this time with a somewhat wry smile.]
I think... It's the same trap I fell into with Absinthe. But just as... that part of him is only a part, and I don't think he is cruel by nature, merely shaped to be so by what he had to endure... I think it is the same for you. So--even if you have changed, and changed greatly, you are still Hades.
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Why do you think you are not?
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... I do, in fact. Slowly, I have been coming to think of myself more as Hythlodaeus.
[He sighs, as though he's about to admit something shameful.]
In the past week or so... I've taken to rewatching my memories. I do not feel brave enough to take new ones, and I could not stand being in the present for long... so I tried to lose myself in the past. It only made me feel all the more lonely and miserable, but there was something else that eventually came to me.
Right now, I may not be Hythlodaeus as he was back then... But he, too, did not stay unchanging forever. My friendship with you - with 'Hades' - changed me, even back then. As did becoming close with Azem. And I thought once again about what I told Cosmo soon after my arrival - that 'Levity' is simply Hythlodaeus without his memories. And about how you told me that I tried to become 'Hythlodaeus' too quickly, like he was a state for me to achieve. And after talking to Lily and Serenity and others... I came to realize that I am not a different version of Hythlodaeus. I am him and he is me.
[Except, well, he is a different version, but he'll metaphorically cross that bridge when he gets to it. Finding a way to stabilize his identity is hard enough already without adding nuance to it.]
... So that's why I say that you, too, are Hades. You are not how you were all those years ago, that is true. But at the same time... The man who became Emet-Selch instead of me was also not the boy I played with when we were children. But they were both Hades to me. And so you are, too.
Re: Day 401
[He listens, slowly and carefully, taking time to mull over the words before he speaks.]
And you have found comfort in that?
Re: Day 401
I have. Everything... makes a lot more sense like that.
[he's coping! aren't you proud of him!]
Re: Day 401
I'm glad. That you found your answer. Had others to listen to. Listened to yourself. I only hope it come easier from here on out as you continue to discover yourself.
Re: Day 401
Levity smiles though, inclining his head into the kiss.]
I hope so too. But... if we did not speak today like this, I don't think I would have allowed myself to realize it. So... thank you. I feel like I can finally be with you again... my old friend.
Re: Day 401
Give yourself some time, Levity. You need not solve the world's problems in a day.
Re: Day 401
[...]
But to solve any of them, I need to solve a problem a day, perhaps. But there are so many of them I never know where to start.
[He closes his eyes, resting his head against Emet's shoulder.]
I missed you.
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I know, but it will be alright.
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[He's teasing.]
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Well, this is one matter I don't want to prove you wrong on.
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[He laughs as well and simply holds Levity against his side, resting his head against his.]
Relax. Let some of the worries go. We don't need all the answers right now.
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Levity smiles, closing his eyes and finally letting himself relax. At last, he does feel like he... belongs, perhaps.]
Alright. I do hope we will find them eventually, but...
Re: Day 401
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[Instead of the mystery of "how do we solve the Final Days, preferably without selling our souls and/or brainwashing"]
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[Time travel is his answer to that! Well except for the Zodiark piece. His a good shaped friend.]
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Is that an attempt to dissuade me from spending my energies on you? Here I thought you'd volunteered to be bullied by me.
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Besides, haven't I got a lot of catching up to do with you?
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