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—Ah . . .
We can, yes. Though, if the area is healed when there is no injury, the scar will re-appear.
Still, it's not 500 points for us to remove the scar.
[ in a lighter tone at the end, a little jokey ]
We can, yes. Though, if the area is healed when there is no injury, the scar will re-appear.
Still, it's not 500 points for us to remove the scar.
[ in a lighter tone at the end, a little jokey ]
Could it be from that room as well—in the meadow . . . ?
Ah--you've gone through there, too? I was lucky enough that I had D.Va with me... I cannot fight, least of all kill someone, but she is much stronger than me, and she was furious to find out that I died by S-- by his hand.
[He looks aside, conflicted. Absinthe was pretty displeased, too, and remembering that... only makes everything more painful. The fact that part of him cared enough to be concerned for Levity, open up to him, try to warn him.
Maybe it--maybe it really was his own fault, in the end, for being so damn short-sighted and naive. He's the reason why he's been hurt, why the people he loves are suffering.
Levity's hand on his chest curls into a fist, digging into his clothes.]
[He looks aside, conflicted. Absinthe was pretty displeased, too, and remembering that... only makes everything more painful. The fact that part of him cared enough to be concerned for Levity, open up to him, try to warn him.
Maybe it--maybe it really was his own fault, in the end, for being so damn short-sighted and naive. He's the reason why he's been hurt, why the people he loves are suffering.
Levity's hand on his chest curls into a fist, digging into his clothes.]
Mm. I was pierced through the chest, as well.
[ pressing a hand to his own chest ]
. . . That heart was difficult to move through. A certain level of—ruthlessness, and willingness to kill, was necessary to survive in it.
[ pressing a hand to his own chest ]
. . . That heart was difficult to move through. A certain level of—ruthlessness, and willingness to kill, was necessary to survive in it.
...I am sorry you had to endure death there, too.
[He exhales quietly.]
...but I will admit that--it was the much more merciful death for me.
[It dawns on Levity that maybe he wants to talk about it, just a little, with someone who can understand. He takes a sip of his tea slowly, trying to gather his thoughts.]
I... I have to confess that while I found it hard to face--most aspects of it, really... I know that it was easier on me than it would have been on others. At least, until--until that room...
[He falls silent for a bit, then shakes his head to chase away the remembrance.]
And yet that, too, is unpleasant. There was... another place I visited, that... I am certain that if I had been anyone else, I would go through some... terrible things, likely. Yet that was not the case for me.
[...]
Maybe that's--that's why--I thought it would...
[Levity trails off, staring at the floor. He looks miserable.]
[He exhales quietly.]
...but I will admit that--it was the much more merciful death for me.
[It dawns on Levity that maybe he wants to talk about it, just a little, with someone who can understand. He takes a sip of his tea slowly, trying to gather his thoughts.]
I... I have to confess that while I found it hard to face--most aspects of it, really... I know that it was easier on me than it would have been on others. At least, until--until that room...
[He falls silent for a bit, then shakes his head to chase away the remembrance.]
And yet that, too, is unpleasant. There was... another place I visited, that... I am certain that if I had been anyone else, I would go through some... terrible things, likely. Yet that was not the case for me.
[...]
Maybe that's--that's why--I thought it would...
[Levity trails off, staring at the floor. He looks miserable.]
[ slowly moving to take his seat again, so he can take a sip of his own tea while levity talks ]
. . . The dungeon—I'm sure he didn't lay a finger on you.
So, you thought that would be upheld in every part of his heart . . . ?
[ no judgment in tone, just encouraging him to talk ]
. . . The dungeon—I'm sure he didn't lay a finger on you.
So, you thought that would be upheld in every part of his heart . . . ?
[ no judgment in tone, just encouraging him to talk ]
[He looks aside. Did he think that? Yes and no.]
...He... let me out immediately, yes. I came back later... to light some of the candles--it was so dark, and I wanted...
[He feels bile rise in his throat. He wanted to be kind, he wanted things to be brighter. He was an idiot.]
He did--warn me that some parts of his soul might want to hurt me. But I thought it to be Som--the man in the field, or even... or even that version of you. In the kitchen.
[Listen it was baby's first heart he didn't even know how these things work.]
...He... let me out immediately, yes. I came back later... to light some of the candles--it was so dark, and I wanted...
[He feels bile rise in his throat. He wanted to be kind, he wanted things to be brighter. He was an idiot.]
He did--warn me that some parts of his soul might want to hurt me. But I thought it to be Som--the man in the field, or even... or even that version of you. In the kitchen.
[Listen it was baby's first heart he didn't even know how these things work.]
[ babieee ]
. . .
[ he's not super keen on influencing levity's opinion one way or the other—but maybe this will comfort him. ]
It's possible that he would not have hurt you—that he would have been able to preserve himself—if that overgrowth was not so present. I did notice that the dungeon was the only place wherein that corruption was not present.
[ softly ]
Perhaps, that is why he had any mind to be able to hold himself back in that room—perhaps that is why the other rooms were so volatile. I could not say, but—when I eliminated the corruption in the bedroom, the being in the closet disappeared.
. . .
[ he's not super keen on influencing levity's opinion one way or the other—but maybe this will comfort him. ]
It's possible that he would not have hurt you—that he would have been able to preserve himself—if that overgrowth was not so present. I did notice that the dungeon was the only place wherein that corruption was not present.
[ softly ]
Perhaps, that is why he had any mind to be able to hold himself back in that room—perhaps that is why the other rooms were so volatile. I could not say, but—when I eliminated the corruption in the bedroom, the being in the closet disappeared.
[He listens, breathing quietly, anxiety churning his gut. A part of him does want to believe that Absinthe cares for him in truth, that it was just... some outside influence. But it's so hard to separate whether that is what he truly wants to think or if it's just that terrified part of him, the one that hoped that belief can replace reality, that if he pretends enough it won't hurt as much, it won't damage him as badly.
It's a tangled mess, but unfortunately the last part just makes it worse. Levity stares at the floor, unseeing, feeling an abyss open up within him. He didn't... even find the actual source of the corruption, then. It was all for nothing. The stupidest mistake he could have made, and now he doesn't even have the shield of having tried to help. He was just... an idiot.
Slowly, he transfers his gaze to the cup in his hand. Maybe if he breaks it he will end up with a piece sharp enough to cut his throat with again. Or... the teaspoon... make into a knife--or, ahah, a nail, stab himself again, however painful it was, and being unable to even scream, and the blood in his lungs, and...]
It's a tangled mess, but unfortunately the last part just makes it worse. Levity stares at the floor, unseeing, feeling an abyss open up within him. He didn't... even find the actual source of the corruption, then. It was all for nothing. The stupidest mistake he could have made, and now he doesn't even have the shield of having tried to help. He was just... an idiot.
Slowly, he transfers his gaze to the cup in his hand. Maybe if he breaks it he will end up with a piece sharp enough to cut his throat with again. Or... the teaspoon... make into a knife--or, ahah, a nail, stab himself again, however painful it was, and being unable to even scream, and the blood in his lungs, and...]
. . . Levity-san.
[ in a low tone, slow, but in a firm one—to try breaking him out of his reverie ]
[ in a low tone, slow, but in a firm one—to try breaking him out of his reverie ]
. . . Do you blame yourself, for the pain you've endured?
[ shifting again, back to crouching for him ]
"It's my fault for letting myself get hurt. Even though I was warned, I made a mistake, and it was for nothing."
. . . Is that what you're thinking, now?
[ shifting again, back to crouching for him ]
"It's my fault for letting myself get hurt. Even though I was warned, I made a mistake, and it was for nothing."
. . . Is that what you're thinking, now?
. . . It's the same sort of thing I thought, myself.
[ with a reassuring tone, a little softer ]
It's alright, Levity-san. Please, breathe slowly.
[ with a reassuring tone, a little softer ]
It's alright, Levity-san. Please, breathe slowly.
[No, what he's actually going to do is cry :'( but at least rather than the tears of a self-hating breakdown it's more... helpless, vulnerable, at knowing that it wasn't just him, that someone understands how he feels. That maybe, just maybe, blaming himself is unreasonable--because it would mean blaming Lucifel, too, when he is strong and kind and caring.
...Why is it so that caring for others is a mistake in this world? Why is it apparently weak, laughable, naive, something to break, even by those very same people who want and need it?
Maybe it would be better if he could articulate it, but as it is Levity can only cry, pulling up his knees to his chest to hide his face in them.]
...Why is it so that caring for others is a mistake in this world? Why is it apparently weak, laughable, naive, something to break, even by those very same people who want and need it?
Maybe it would be better if he could articulate it, but as it is Levity can only cry, pulling up his knees to his chest to hide his face in them.]
. . . It's alright.
[ the deeply, deeply unfortunate part about all of this is that lucifel isn't really in a better headspace himself—food is food is food is food—but he can, at least, pretend that he is, so that he can walk levity through his own pain.
though, perhaps not right now—what can he do for levity right now, when he needs to get his pain out but he can't be touched?
persephone would do this for him—he would sing. so, he lets levity cry—if someone who's very nearly a stranger can make him cry so heavily, he's certain levity needs it—while he hums a soothing, hymnal sort of tune with a low, steady voice. ]
[ the deeply, deeply unfortunate part about all of this is that lucifel isn't really in a better headspace himself—food is food is food is food—but he can, at least, pretend that he is, so that he can walk levity through his own pain.
though, perhaps not right now—what can he do for levity right now, when he needs to get his pain out but he can't be touched?
persephone would do this for him—he would sing. so, he lets levity cry—if someone who's very nearly a stranger can make him cry so heavily, he's certain levity needs it—while he hums a soothing, hymnal sort of tune with a low, steady voice. ]
Edited ((i just wanted to add the ellipses it paces better in my head sorry)) 2021-02-14 13:11 (UTC)
[The singing does, in fact, help - Lily sings to him too, and Levity generally finds great relief in music. Of course, it's not a way to stop crying, but it helps him coast through it more easily, his sobs eventually subsiding to quiet sniffling.
He feels so exhausted. He's tired of the nightmares, of remembering, of the way his body feels disgusting and alien now, of the constant background terror, of the way anger burns him out, whenever he manages to be angry instead of terrified. Of the acid in his insides and the way food doesn't taste like anything anymore and the way words fall apart in his mind when he tries to read and the way the world seems to be so much smaller, so much duller now.
He's so tired.
Levity lets himself stay curled up like that, just... listening to Lucifel's voice. The repeating patterns of the hymn help soothe him, draw his mind away from the bleak depths he usually finds himself in these days. Little by little, he lets his breath even out, even as he still shivers.]
...thank you, Lucifel.
He feels so exhausted. He's tired of the nightmares, of remembering, of the way his body feels disgusting and alien now, of the constant background terror, of the way anger burns him out, whenever he manages to be angry instead of terrified. Of the acid in his insides and the way food doesn't taste like anything anymore and the way words fall apart in his mind when he tries to read and the way the world seems to be so much smaller, so much duller now.
He's so tired.
Levity lets himself stay curled up like that, just... listening to Lucifel's voice. The repeating patterns of the hymn help soothe him, draw his mind away from the bleak depths he usually finds himself in these days. Little by little, he lets his breath even out, even as he still shivers.]
...thank you, Lucifel.
[Dangerous...
But she takes the invitation, following his motion to the welcome room.]
Well that I can do. I brought tea too.
But she takes the invitation, following his motion to the welcome room.]
Well that I can do. I brought tea too.
. . . Yes. That is a good thing.
[ pause ]
What do you like to do in your spare time? Besides playing phone games, that is.
[ pause ]
What do you like to do in your spare time? Besides playing phone games, that is.
Edited 2021-02-15 08:57 (UTC)
. . . Oh, my.
I am indeed—we've met on occasion, and played together on occasion.
I suppose if they're for her, they're not to be shared with others?
I am indeed—we've met on occasion, and played together on occasion.
I suppose if they're for her, they're not to be shared with others?
[He actually looks a little flustered, but in a good way - and certainly more alive than before.]
Ah--no, in fact. I would be happy to share what I write, if you would wish to see. I've yet to write things that would truly be kept private by their nature or the subjects they address...
Ah--no, in fact. I would be happy to share what I write, if you would wish to see. I've yet to write things that would truly be kept private by their nature or the subjects they address...
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