[You are greeted with the sound of randomly disrupted static, at the end of which three melodic beeping signals are heard. Yep, that's your cue to leave a message!]
[ the deeply, deeply unfortunate part about all of this is that lucifel isn't really in a better headspace himself—food is food is food is food—but he can, at least, pretend that he is, so that he can walk levity through his own pain.
though, perhaps not right now—what can he do for levity right now, when he needs to get his pain out but he can't be touched?
persephone would do this for him—he would sing. so, he lets levity cry—if someone who's very nearly a stranger can make him cry so heavily, he's certain levity needs it—while he hums a soothing, hymnal sort of tune with a low, steady voice. ]
Edited ((i just wanted to add the ellipses it paces better in my head sorry)) 2021-02-14 13:11 (UTC)
luci stop being food!!!! also big debression vibes here
[The singing does, in fact, help - Lily sings to him too, and Levity generally finds great relief in music. Of course, it's not a way to stop crying, but it helps him coast through it more easily, his sobs eventually subsiding to quiet sniffling.
He feels so exhausted. He's tired of the nightmares, of remembering, of the way his body feels disgusting and alien now, of the constant background terror, of the way anger burns him out, whenever he manages to be angry instead of terrified. Of the acid in his insides and the way food doesn't taste like anything anymore and the way words fall apart in his mind when he tries to read and the way the world seems to be so much smaller, so much duller now.
He's so tired.
Levity lets himself stay curled up like that, just... listening to Lucifel's voice. The repeating patterns of the hymn help soothe him, draw his mind away from the bleak depths he usually finds himself in these days. Little by little, he lets his breath even out, even as he still shivers.]
[He actually looks a little flustered, but in a good way - and certainly more alive than before.]
Ah--no, in fact. I would be happy to share what I write, if you would wish to see. I've yet to write things that would truly be kept private by their nature or the subjects they address...
Ah, thank you so much. I am glad you enjoy them--I am not trained, truly, and it is possible that I break whatever conventions there are when it comes to composing poetry.
[He looks aside, smiling.]
...She was very happy. O-Or, well... She ended up crying, and I thought it was because I said something wrong, but it was simply that she was not used to such gestures. Which is why... I want to do more for her. And write more for her.
[He blushes for a moment - that level of embarrassingly sincere compliment is exactly what Levity would have said, too, it's just that he never had it directed at him. This is unexpected, but not unwelcome.]
...I do want to write more. Especially as I recover...
[He trails off; his expression falls then as he remembers something.]
...I suppose there is one there that was not for Lily.
...I suppose the best way to put it is that I do not regret writing it. Though my feelings on it are mixed at the moment, I would not want to destroy it.
A-Ah, that should be my line. You went out of your way to see me, after all... and I am very grateful. I feel much better for your support and understanding, Lucifel.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cannibalism implications
[ the deeply, deeply unfortunate part about all of this is that lucifel isn't really in a better headspace himself—food is food is food is food—but he can, at least, pretend that he is, so that he can walk levity through his own pain.
though, perhaps not right now—what can he do for levity right now, when he needs to get his pain out but he can't be touched?
persephone would do this for him—he would sing. so, he lets levity cry—if someone who's very nearly a stranger can make him cry so heavily, he's certain levity needs it—while he hums a soothing, hymnal sort of tune with a low, steady voice. ]
luci stop being food!!!! also big debression vibes here
He feels so exhausted. He's tired of the nightmares, of remembering, of the way his body feels disgusting and alien now, of the constant background terror, of the way anger burns him out, whenever he manages to be angry instead of terrified. Of the acid in his insides and the way food doesn't taste like anything anymore and the way words fall apart in his mind when he tries to read and the way the world seems to be so much smaller, so much duller now.
He's so tired.
Levity lets himself stay curled up like that, just... listening to Lucifel's voice. The repeating patterns of the hymn help soothe him, draw his mind away from the bleak depths he usually finds himself in these days. Little by little, he lets his breath even out, even as he still shivers.]
...thank you, Lucifel.
he is food
How do you feel . . . ?
stop! being food!
[It's the best there is for him at the moment, really.]
Re: stop! being food!
[ pause ]
What do you like to do in your spare time? Besides playing phone games, that is.
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...I like reading. Learning new things. I... write poems, sometimes. Mostly for Lily--my girlfriend. I know not if you know her...
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I am indeed—we've met on occasion, and played together on occasion.
I suppose if they're for her, they're not to be shared with others?
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Ah--no, in fact. I would be happy to share what I write, if you would wish to see. I've yet to write things that would truly be kept private by their nature or the subjects they address...
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[He actually keeps the Embarrassment Notebook on him at all times and happily hands it over.
The last one is not for Lily, but, uh, he hasn't been thinking about that.]
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. . . Levity-san is quite the romantic. Ah . . .
[ with a gesture to the second poem (day 315 date), not touching the paper ]
They are all elegant, but this in particular—I enjoy its simplicity. Was she happy to read it?
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Ah, thank you so much. I am glad you enjoy them--I am not trained, truly, and it is possible that I break whatever conventions there are when it comes to composing poetry.
[He looks aside, smiling.]
...She was very happy. O-Or, well... She ended up crying, and I thought it was because I said something wrong, but it was simply that she was not used to such gestures. Which is why... I want to do more for her. And write more for her.
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[ with a softness to his smile ]
You should certainly write more. I think you have a knack for this.
Of course, then it would not only be for her—perhaps you could write of other things, too. Your favorite things and experiences, and the like.
luci answer ur own inbox also!!!
...I do want to write more. Especially as I recover...
[He trails off; his expression falls then as he remembers something.]
...I suppose there is one there that was not for Lily.
OH. I THOUGHT IT WAS DELETED MY BAD
Of course, it was for yourself.
dw is rude........
Oh--not for myself, actually. Mainly for--
[--oh fuck. He's stupid. Levity sighs, running a hand down his face.]
...well, I might say for several people.
single tear
In that way, to be able to express those emotions—that would be for yourself, don't you think?
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...Perhaps, yes. It is about my understanding of their pasts, perhaps...
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Did you enjoy writing it?
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...It felt like the right thing to do back then.
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Were you satisfied, when you were done?
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...I suppose the best way to put it is that I do not regret writing it. Though my feelings on it are mixed at the moment, I would not want to destroy it.
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Well! You can't love everything you make—but I'm glad that you don't regret it.
Ah—I've taken up quite a lot of your time, haven't I?
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[ bringing his cup of tea up to drink it ]
The tea is lovely, by the way. Where did you say you got it from?
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