[There's a few moment of thoughtful silence from him, and then he answers.]
... I do, in fact. Slowly, I have been coming to think of myself more as Hythlodaeus.
[He sighs, as though he's about to admit something shameful.]
In the past week or so... I've taken to rewatching my memories. I do not feel brave enough to take new ones, and I could not stand being in the present for long... so I tried to lose myself in the past. It only made me feel all the more lonely and miserable, but there was something else that eventually came to me.
Right now, I may not be Hythlodaeus as he was back then... But he, too, did not stay unchanging forever. My friendship with you - with 'Hades' - changed me, even back then. As did becoming close with Azem. And I thought once again about what I told Cosmo soon after my arrival - that 'Levity' is simply Hythlodaeus without his memories. And about how you told me that I tried to become 'Hythlodaeus' too quickly, like he was a state for me to achieve. And after talking to Lily and Serenity and others... I came to realize that I am not a different version of Hythlodaeus. I am him and he is me.
[Except, well, he is a different version, but he'll metaphorically cross that bridge when he gets to it. Finding a way to stabilize his identity is hard enough already without adding nuance to it.]
... So that's why I say that you, too, are Hades. You are not how you were all those years ago, that is true. But at the same time... The man who became Emet-Selch instead of me was also not the boy I played with when we were children. But they were both Hades to me. And so you are, too.
Re: Day 401
... I do, in fact. Slowly, I have been coming to think of myself more as Hythlodaeus.
[He sighs, as though he's about to admit something shameful.]
In the past week or so... I've taken to rewatching my memories. I do not feel brave enough to take new ones, and I could not stand being in the present for long... so I tried to lose myself in the past. It only made me feel all the more lonely and miserable, but there was something else that eventually came to me.
Right now, I may not be Hythlodaeus as he was back then... But he, too, did not stay unchanging forever. My friendship with you - with 'Hades' - changed me, even back then. As did becoming close with Azem. And I thought once again about what I told Cosmo soon after my arrival - that 'Levity' is simply Hythlodaeus without his memories. And about how you told me that I tried to become 'Hythlodaeus' too quickly, like he was a state for me to achieve. And after talking to Lily and Serenity and others... I came to realize that I am not a different version of Hythlodaeus. I am him and he is me.
[Except, well, he is a different version, but he'll metaphorically cross that bridge when he gets to it. Finding a way to stabilize his identity is hard enough already without adding nuance to it.]
... So that's why I say that you, too, are Hades. You are not how you were all those years ago, that is true. But at the same time... The man who became Emet-Selch instead of me was also not the boy I played with when we were children. But they were both Hades to me. And so you are, too.